The Dichotomy of Love

683 1024 Lauren Kennedy

Love is the most beautiful gift in the world and is in itself a depth that feels impossible to describe in words, yet it simultaneously seems to bring a heavy heart. Let me explain because I don’t want this to sound like a negative perspective, but more one of reality + one I have been navigating the last four years. To illustrate, by far one of the greatest blessings in my life is my husband. We share such a tightly-bound, inseparable bond full of passion, lots of special memories, constant laughs, and mutual willingness to compromise because our sincere goal is to love each other better every day.

To take a step back, I grew up in Dallas, am super close to my family (my mom and my twin sister are my besties, and same with my dad!), and I experienced one of the greatest seasons of loss in that city, which connected me to it (aka the people) in a way where it will always feel extra safe and like home. When Jase and I met, he was living in Los Angeles and has now been here for nearly 14 years, so, as many of you know, I moved out of Texas to start a life with my best friend. Hence the dichotomy begins; I experienced such heartbreak to leave everything that was comfort, yet I was so incredibly excited to live in the same city as Jason!

He and I are both so thankful for this big move because my struggle of adjusting to a new atmosphere became his struggle too; he has been by my side wholeheartedly through it all, and we attribute this time to how deeply well we know each other. He is always there to cry with me and validates the grief of being unable to pop by my parent’s or sister’s house at any time. It developed in me such a lasting trust that he can comfort me like the people I am closest to can.

The things that create such a rich love almost always seem to come from sacrifice and hardship, whether big or small. For instance, leaving Dallas or saying goodbye to my family when they visit hurts my heart at such a deep level, yet there is gratefulness amidst the pain because it only strengthens our marriage + it makes me extra grateful for every memory and moment with my family. Not to mention, leaving Jase to see my family hurts my heart just the same. It’s such a complicated emotional pull, but one that causes me to be filled with thankfulness for all of the love that causes such intense emotion. Am I making sense? Does anyone relate to this feeling?

This post is in collaboration with The Refined Collective Series. Be sure and check out the other ladies in this wonderful group, such as Kat Harris with The Refined Woman and Jackie Viramontez.


top | shorts | sunnies

images by Felicia Lasala 

  • Tra-My

    I also left my hometown of 34 years to be with my husband. We are now on the opposite side of the country from my family. It was extremely tough and heartbreaking. We now have a 16 month old daughter and I truly understand the heartache you feel. It makes me sad that my parents don’t get to see her very often especially because my daughter adores them. However, I moved in order for my husband to pursue his dream career. I know he would be heartbroken and devestated to leave that. I envy the strength of your marriage and the beauty of your love for one another because I believe that makes your tough times a tad easier.

  • Deborah Pretorius

    So true…I experience this as I had to leave my family this year to be with my husband. We live in South Africa.
    I miss them so much, my sister and I are 18 months apart. I have 2 brothers as well. I used to visit my parents almost every Friday night. We have always been a close knit family.

    I decided to leave Durban because I wanted my 3 kids to see their dad daily. We moved to Nelspruit, Mpumalanga, which is about 9hrs drive from Durban.
    I also decided to homeschool the 3 kids. Its brought us closer as a family unit. But I left part of my heart in Durban, Kwazulu-Natal.

    Thank you for sharing your story…it doesn’t get easier..
    Especially when kids are involved, grandparents miss them so much! They miss been spoilt by grandma and grandpa

  • Aleks

    To recognize that conflicting emotions can exist simultaneously is such a sign of maturity. I am in my late 30s and it was such an AHA! moment for me to realize that the same thing can evoke positive and negative feelings. I see this so many places in my life. My deep love for my children, then turning on me into an intense, sometimes paralyzing fear of loss or being hard on myself for choices I made in best interest. Even with the Lord, a gratitude and trust that He is who he says He is and simultaneous, struggle to accept the road he may call us to. I don’t know if these fit in line with what you are saying. Dichotomy is a great descriptor.

  • Elle Gray

    I’m so glad you wrote this! I moved to the West Coast to be with my husband 10 years ago. In my 20s I didn’t think much about being away from family. My sister (also my bestie) and I talk constantly on the phone. I typically go home like – once a year. When my husband comes, I’m …bummed?…that he’s there…ugh that makes me an awful wife. I just love love love my time with my sister. Alone. With no one rolling their eyes at our jokes or feeling left out. At the same time I intensely miss Spence bc he’s literally my other half. What changed – my dad died this summer. I don’t have words to describe the regret/pain/sadness/relief (he was very very sick) I’m feeling. But I did decide – no more will I feel guilty about spending quality time with my sister or precious time with my momma. We are road tripping to bury my dad’s ashes 2019 just the 3 of us. My husband has been super supportive and I’m letting the guilt go. Life’s too short. Also, I’m making it a point to be fully present with my husband before and after the trip.

  • George Rector

    Like you and Jason, my wife and I are best friends. My Multiple Sclerosis forced us to leave our home and friends to start anew. We grew closer and found a deeper meaning in life. Can there be a greater blessing than to be married to our best friend?

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