Love is the most beautiful gift in the world and is in itself a depth that feels impossible to describe in words, yet it simultaneously seems to bring a heavy heart. Let me explain because I don’t want this to sound like a negative perspective, but more one of reality + one I have been navigating the last four years. To illustrate, by far one of the greatest blessings in my life is my husband. We share such a tightly-bound, inseparable bond full of passion, lots of special memories, constant laughs, and mutual willingness to compromise because our sincere goal is to love each other better every day.
To take a step back, I grew up in Dallas, am super close to my family (my mom and my twin sister are my besties, and same with my dad!), and I experienced one of the greatest seasons of loss in that city, which connected me to it (aka the people) in a way where it will always feel extra safe and like home. When Jase and I met, he was living in Los Angeles and has now been here for nearly 14 years, so, as many of you know, I moved out of Texas to start a life with my best friend. Hence the dichotomy begins; I experienced such heartbreak to leave everything that was comfort, yet I was so incredibly excited to live in the same city as Jason!
He and I are both so thankful for this big move because my struggle of adjusting to a new atmosphere became his struggle too; he has been by my side wholeheartedly through it all, and we attribute this time to how deeply well we know each other. He is always there to cry with me and validates the grief of being unable to pop by my parent’s or sister’s house at any time. It developed in me such a lasting trust that he can comfort me like the people I am closest to can.
The things that create such a rich love almost always seem to come from sacrifice and hardship, whether big or small. For instance, leaving Dallas or saying goodbye to my family when they visit hurts my heart at such a deep level, yet there is gratefulness amidst the pain because it only strengthens our marriage + it makes me extra grateful for every memory and moment with my family. Not to mention, leaving Jase to see my family hurts my heart just the same. It’s such a complicated emotional pull, but one that causes me to be filled with thankfulness for all of the love that causes such intense emotion. Am I making sense? Does anyone relate to this feeling?
images by Felicia Lasala