[Self Series] Self-expression

Bonjour. Ça va? Hola. Namaste. Guten Tag. Konnichiwa. Nĭ hăo. As-salām ‘Alaykum. Aloha. Shalom. Hi. Hello. What’s up? How’s it going?How are you?Around the world, there are many different ways to greet a friend, a loved one, or a passer-byer. When visiting a foreign country, properly greeting someone in their native language can be counted as a major victory. In my travels, my victories have also been accompanied by a number of failures, as I was humbly corrected that my enthusiastic “Bonjour!” should have been a proper “Bonsoir” while greeting someone in the evening.In America, we have come to appropriate “What’s up?”, “How’s it going?”, and “How are you?” with an informal greeting. Many times I would find myself rushing to class, greeting those I passed with a quick, “Hey, how are you?” Although I meant well, I rarely waited to hear their response. Instead, I almost always expected to hear, “I’m good,” as I continued to run off to class. But, what if we waited to hear the response to our “How are you?”Loving ourselves and loving others well ignites and enables the unique voice within each of us. But, learning about ourselves and growing into ourselves may require reflecting on how we express ourselves through our words and emotions. Growing in our self-expression, therefore, comes in two parts: our responsibility to speak and to listen. On the one hand, it is our responsibility to truthfully express our emotions, thoughts, feelings, and ideas, and to give ourselves the authority to speak these words and to exude these emotions. On the other hand, it is our responsibility to genuinely, empathetically, and honestly listen to the words and emotions of others.Self-expression awards us with the responsibility to speak. Not only do we have the responsibility to speak our thoughts, feelings, and ideas, but we should represent them truthfully. Now, growing in self-expression is not the same thing as imposing your thoughts and feelings onto someone else. Likely, truthfully expressing your emotions or feelings should not be used to force another person into submission, guilt, or fear. Rather, it should be used so that others understand your thoughts and rightfully perceive your feelings and how you have acquired those feelings. This also means that you, yourself, are responsible for accepting and acknowledging your own thoughts, feelings, and ideas. It may be easier to express happiness, enthusiasm, and delight when something good has happened, but what about when something bad has happened? What happens when you feel sad, disappointed, or discouraged? We tend to hide those feelings; we tend to mask those feelings, maybe in an attempt to convince ourselves that we are not affected by whatever has caused us to feel this way. But, often times, we mask or hide our disappointment so that we do not burden our friends, family, even passer-byers. Hear these words: it is okay to not be “okay.” Start by being truthful with yourself, with your attitude, with your circumstances and how they are making you feel. Once you begin to be truthful with yourself, once you begin to grow in your self-expression, it will become easier to express the truth of your emotions and thoughts with those around you, even if they may bare the ugliest realities.So, what would it be like if we began to respond truthfully to, “How are you?” What if instead of “good” or “fine” we answered with how we are really feeling, so that the responses would begin to range from “horrible,” “bummed,” “disappointed,” “scared,” “anxious,” and “frustrated,” to “fantastic,” “elated,” “strong,” and “hopeful.” What would that mean for our conversations? How would that change the way we express ourselves? Would that also change the way that we listen?By growing in our self-expression through truthfully speaking our thoughts and feelings, we also grow in listening to the thoughts and feelings of others. This means stopping in your path for more than a second to hear the response to an otherwise instinctive, “How are you?” The beauty of being authentic with your thoughts, feelings, attitudes, and ideas is that you will be in a position to empathize with someone who is undergoing something similar to you. When you hear someone else’s story, you will be able to form a connection with them: “I’ve been there,” “I understand what you’re going through,” “You are not alone.” You see, every time we are not truthful in our responses, we miss an opportunity to connect with someone. More than that, we miss an opportunity to tell someone that although they may not be okay, they will be. We miss an opportunity to listen. We may not always be able to encourage truthfulness in the responses of others, but when we open our ears, when we stop in our paths, when we pause for a moment, we give someone the opportunity to be truthful in expressing themselves.Growing in self-expression is learning to speak and learning to listen. Each one edifies the other. The moment we allow ourselves to speak the truth of our thoughts and feelings, in their rawness, in their goodness, and even in their ugliness, we allow others to do the same. By listening to the truth of another person’s thoughts and feelings, we begin to bridge a cavity in human communication that has been maintained by the silence of our words and the denial of our feelings.So, next time someone asks you, “How are you?” respond truthfully. By speaking truthfully and by being willing to listen, you may just allow them to do the same.