We are Family

Look after one another. Marvin J. Ashton said, “If we could look into each other’s hearts and understand the unique challenges each of us faces, I think we would treat each other much more gently, with more love, patience, tolerance, and care.”Cape Town is a very adventurous and outdoor-oriented city, so my housemates and I would often go on hikes, exploring the endless, breathtaking beauty surrounding us. On our hikes and adventures we would quite literally and physically have to look out for one another. This was made easier and came more naturally as we grew to know each other better. We knew which of us were afraid of heights, which of us got cranky the earliest, which of us were more prone to wandering, which of us were athletic, which of us were determined, which of us were opinionated, which of us were stubborn. We knew each other, so we were able to comprehensively look after one another.When I first moved to Cape Town to study abroad, I was placed in a house full of people who were complete strangers to me; strangers with profoundly different experiences, wholly different upbringings, ways of life, ideas, opinions, passions, and dreams. I had not known them. I was unaware of what shaped them to be the people they are, the people that would be living with me, sharing a small space with me, for the next five months of my life. However, it did not take long before these people became my family, people I would deeply care for, people I would look out for. Soon enough, these were the people that I stood on the curb outside our house and cried with as we said, not our “goodbyes”, but our “see you laters”. We were the closest thing to a family that each of us had while being thousands of miles away from our actual families. We fought, we made up, we laughed, and cried together. We threatened to beat up anyone that hurt someone in our little family. We explored together. We experienced homesickness together and we helped each other adapt to an entirely different culture and an altogether different way of life. We helped each other process our emotions and experiences, and we leaned on one another for support. We opened up to one another, vulnerably exposed our hearts and souls to one another, and we trusted one another. As we continued to learn more about one another, we grew to selflessly and completely love one another. Throughout those five months, a group of complete strangers became a family.I still would do anything for any one of these people. But, I know that my family continues to expand. You see, in every season of our lives, we open ourselves to receiving more family. The people placed in our lives throughout the various bends, curves, ebbs, and flows are intentional. We are surrounded with distinct people for a reason, and if we allow ourselves to be open to these people, we continue to build our families. As we continue to receive new family members, new friends, new loved ones, our hearts grow more protective, more compassionate. We learn, then, that only when we truly open ourselves to knowing the people in our lives better, to learning their stories, inquiring of their pasts, listening to their desires and dreams, we equip ourselves to love them better. We see that the more we understand one another, the more territory we are able to explore of each other’s pasts, passions, desires, hopes and dreams, the more deeply and profoundly we are able to care for one another.As the end of my study abroad experience loomed nearer, I began to associate with the phrase, “Home is where the heart is.” More than a mere typography scribbled on a greeting card or a sentiment exposed through a nostalgic social media post, this phrase embodied everything I was feeling up to my departure. As I tried to make sense of my emotions, of leaving a place I had grown to love and had learned to call home, I came to realize that I was beginning to have many different homes. In all these homes, I had experiences that had shaped my life, I had grown in ways that I never expected, and I had learned to form families with the people around me. I began to realize that I might have different places that I would call home. I accepted the fact that my heart may forever be pulled in different directions. And, in all these different places that my heart would be drawn to, I would have families, people that I grew to trust and learned to adore. So, my home would not just be found in the places that my heart grew to love, but with the people that my heart related to; with various people that made up many different families I grew to adore.We have the endless opportunity to continue to grow our families, as long as we regularly open our hearts to one another and intentionally invest in learning one another’s stories. Our hearts can grow to love and adorn many different homes that house many different families in every season of life. As we come and go, wander and explore, may we continue to open our hearts to those around us. May we open our eyes to the beauty we see in one another. May we bravely, unapologetically, and vulnerably form many different families in many different places that we call home. And may we continue to learn from our families, grow with our families, and better protect, advocate for, sacrifice for, and selflessly love each family that we form.

Fear Not . . .

Try new things. Former Senator Robert F. Kennedy once said, “Only those who dare to fail greatly can ever achieve greatly.” The truth is, no one looks forward to failing. We do not like to fail. We avoid it. We do everything in our power not to succumb to it. And when we do fail, we try to quickly fix it, cover it up, mask it. We try to make it look like, on the contrary, we had been planning the alternative all along. “I meant for that to happen,” “I actually wanted that to happen,” we convince ourselves.But often, the fear of failure stands in the way of new and undiscovered adventure. Our fear sometimes prevents us from trying new things. If you would have asked me even three years ago if I would ever try bungee jumping, I would have given you an instinctive and confident “no”. I would have told you that I would try almost anything else before I would ever try bungee jumping. Something about flinging myself off a cliff with an all too untrustworthy rope attached to me as my only safety measure did not seem like my ideal sense of adventure. But, I soon found that my fear would be challenged. In 2013, I studied abroad in Cape Town, South Africa. Not long into settling halfway across the world, I found out that South Africa housed the tallest bungee bridge in the world- Bloukrans Bridge which stands at 216 meters, or 709 feet above the Bloukrans River. While this attraction intrigued most of my friends, the thought of willingly falling nearly 700 feet terrified me. However, a few weeks later, much to my surprise, I found myself paying a questionably inexpensive $75 registration fee for my otherwise invaluable life. Today, the action of jumping off that bridge is almost as vivid as it was in the mere moments that had followed it, and the memory of that experience rings as one of the best experiences of my life.That day, my fear of bungee jumping almost cost me one of the best experiences of my life. It also almost cost me an invaluable lesson- that trying new things and, in doing so, discovering a newfound strength prepares us to offer all that we are to the world around us. The funny thing about fear is that it convinces us that we are not all we are created to be. It tells us not to go for that job, not to apply to that school, not to pursue that dream. It whispers to us that we are not strong enough, smart enough, talented enough, determined enough. Its deception is powerful and it does not spare a soul. But, when you know your worth and the inherent power in the uniqueness of who you are, you begin to question everything that fear is convincing you of and everything it is holding you back from. You begin to wonder, “Why can’t I apply for that grad school?”, “What is stopping me from going for that job?”, “Why aren’t I strong enough, brave enough, talented enough, good enough?” And, suddenly, when you realize that fear does not have a place in your life, the idea of failure holds no weight. You stop asking yourself, “What if I fail?” And instead challenge yourself, “But, what if I succeed?”While I am not encouraging everyone jump off a bridge, and while my fear of jumping off that bridge would have understandably crushed an otherwise brief sense of intrigue, that jump signaled an event that would remind me of the power within me for years to come. Overcoming my fear of bungee jumping empowered me to try something I would have never imagined doing nor ever thought I was capable of trying. You see, when we free ourselves of the hold fear has on our lives, we not only discover an inherent power within us, but we discover new destinations that power will lead us to and new uncoverings that power will unearth. The truth is, we have all overcome fear, and we have lived to humbly tell incredible, incomparable, and inconceivable stories because of it. We also have, at times, allowed fear to hold us back. While we undoubtedly learn from missed opportunities, and while we experience grace in the event that fear temporarily scores a win, we learn more about our own power and capability when we experience a world of opportunities from defeating fear. In those times and circumstances that we triumph over fear, we open a whole new world of opportunities that may have otherwise remained concealed. And when we open a new world of inexperience, informality, and thrill, not only do we grow in such an incomparable way, but we offer that growth to the world around us.So, may you free yourself to take a daring dive off whatever bridge stands in your way. May you experience the thrill and freedom in not only facing your fears, but triumphing over those fears. May you continue to take risks- apply to that grad school halfway across the world, go for that job, sacrifice familiarity, embrace the unexplained and unpredicted. Knowing the power within you and the uniqueness you have to offer the world, may you boldly venture out into the unknown, all the while, unafraid of failure. And, may you dare to fail, to fail again, and to get back up so that you can continue to try new things, unearth new discoveries, and offer those discoveries to the world.

Redefining a Millennial “Merci”

Say please and thank you. We have all been taught the importance of having good manners. “Be polite,” “Get your elbows off the table,” “Look someone in the eye when they are talking to you,” “Say please and thank you,” are all phrases that our parents, grandparents, aunts, uncles, and teachers have instructed us to abide by. My mom still adamantly reminds me of the importance of writing thank you notes. “It’s just courteous, and it shows good manners,” “I’ve raised you better than this,” “Your rudeness is a reflection on me,” she has gently reminded or reprimanded me from time to time. While I have every intention of making this a habit, I still have thank you cards addressed and ready to mail from when I graduated college this past May. I found out, though, that I was not alone. One of my best friends shared her mom’s insight on the matter, which went something like, “You sure don’t have a problem accepting presents, so you shouldn’t have a problem saying thank you.” After we gave it a good laugh, the truth began to sink in. While I felt better learning that I was not alone, I could not help but think that my group text between two of my best friends was not the only incident where poor manners were lightheartedly acknowledged among a Millennial crowd. Have we forgotten the importance of saying “please” or “thank you”? Have manners been lost in translation throughout the generations? Have we lost the grace of politeness?You see, the importance in saying “please and thank you” does not lie in the string of letters that make up the sentiment as much as it does in the action of respecting those around us. The Oxford English Dictionary defines the word polite as “respectful and considerate of other people.” Likely, it defines respect as “due regard for the feelings or rights of others.” Our proper manners, then, are important not for the light that it casts on our own character, but for the way that it illuminates others. We say “please and thank you,” we express our gratitude, we hold open doors, we say “excuse me” and “bless you” not so that we look like good people in return, but in order that our actions protect, advance, and strengthen the dignity, humanity, and rights of others. Our view of humanity and equality, and the way in which we love others act as the foundation for our politeness. In return, our manners, remind us of our humanity. The way that we treat others is reflective of the way that we view others. We may, then, measure the goodness of our manners in relation to how highly we esteem the goodness of others. When we respect the equality of others, despite whatever difference in race, ethnicity, religion, gender, or anything else, we will begin to elevate the respect in which we adorn all those around us.We may have lost the imminence in timely expressing our thanks and gratitude or in exuding good manners. We may have found social etiquette, morals, or ethics to be archaic. But, our respect for one another, our respect for equality, should be timeless. The way that we view and perceive of one another, on the basis of our shared humanity, should be the driving force of our manners. Once we undergo this paradigm shift, that our manners are not so much a reflection of our own goodness as they are of the goodness of others, we will revert to a mindset that seeks the best for others. Speaking for our generation, we must be the Millennials that begin to shift the focus on the era of intention: intentional kindness, intentional goodness, intentional compassion, intentional gratitude, intentional graciousness, intentional respect. We must act out of respect and love for one another in order that we begin to redefine the Millennial “merci.”As we grow from one another and continually develop our manners, may we assume, once again, the art of respect. Man or woman, young or old, may we act out of respect for others in order to illuminate and reinforce their fullest potential and the fullness of their rights, talents, and passions. With a change in perspective, with a focus on the goodness of others rather than the goodness of ourselves, may we redeem our “please and thank you’s.” May we rescue chivalry, unearth decency, preserve kindness, and don politeness. And with this redemption of politeness and respect, may we continue to redefine the relationships in our lives and spread love intentionally, wherever we may go.

Be All that You can Be, and Bloom

Do your best. A common quote from Zen Shin Talks says, “A flower does not think of competing to the flower next to it. It just blooms.” We have grown up heeding advice to do our best, reinforcing others and ourselves of an undeniably resilient spirit within us. But, at one point or another, we have all had the fear that our best may not be enough. So, we begin to feel defeated or discouraged. We begin to believe that we are inadequate, worthless, hopeless. But, we must begin to tell ourselves that our best is our best, even if it does not produce the results that we had hoped for. You see, our best is not contingent upon our expectations. I have learned this most recently since graduating college. As graduation loomed nearer and nearer, I had a perfect picture of what my life would be post-college- I would hold a full time job with benefits and with the promise of advancing further in my career, I would move into my own place with a few friends, I would become totally, financially and otherwise, self-sufficient. But, my best efforts yielded a much different reality. In this transitional period, I found myself in an LSAT prep course, committing to taking the next step towards obtaining a law degree. However, throughout the course, I felt my heart pulling in another direction- a passion I had altogether known, but somewhat overlooked. I cannot explain one specific event or life-altering moment when I decided that I wanted to pursue writing instead; rather, it was a more gradual and persistent pull at my heart. When I consciously decided to let go of my expectations of what my post-grad life would hold, and instead give this writing gig a go, doors began to unexpectedly open. Today, I can wholeheartedly and gratefully look back on the past seven months and notice an unparalleled amount of opportunities that have both validated, strengthened, and have altogether made my passion for writing more worthwhile. I have learned that while doing my best has not always resulted in the dreams and desires that I had cultivated, it has contributed to every experience, opportunity, and event that has shaped me into the woman I am today. Where I once compared myself to the numerous Facebook status updates and Instagram posts that depicted my peers’ seemingly perfect and successful lives, I now am able to look upon my own experiences with a grateful and humble heart- realizing that my own journey does not find its worth in comparison to that of another.The truth is, performing our best may yield entirely different results than what we had hoped for or planned. We may not find ourselves in that dream job we had hoped of obtaining, we may not find ourselves with that family we longed of having or that marriage we had desired with all our hearts. We may not be in that dream house we told ourselves we would have by the age of thirty-five. We may not be successful in the way we imagined, self-sufficient in the way we planned, or thriving in the way we pictured we would be. But, just because the vision of our lives does not match the circumstances of our lives does not mean that our best has amounted to failure or that we ourselves are worthless. Rather, the unexpected course that our lives have taken yield a certain freedom where we can explore the desires of our hearts without the pressures we have placed on ourselves. By the grace that the events of our lives became unaligned with our own expectations, we become more open to the alternative. When we become more open to these unexpected realities, we allow ourselves to let go of the grip on our own vision of what our life ought to be, and we live freely in what our lives presently are. Slowly and gradually, we begin to move out of our own way.What happens also when we become free to perform our best aside from our own expectations is that we find that our best is not dependent on the success of others. When we become free to release our best efforts from the confine of our own expectations, we become even more free to release our best efforts from their comparison to the best efforts of others. It is easy to fall into a cycle of comparing our drive, ambition, pursuits, or attempts to those of our friends, family, peers, classmates, Facebook friends, and Instagram followers. But, when we allow ourselves to fail and to fall short of our own expectations, only to begin to revel in all the opportunity that surrounds our shortcomings, we will begin to grow more confident in who we are despite what we may see through whatever status updates and carefully selected snapshots of our friends’ lives. When we free ourselves from our own expectations and from comparing our lives to those of our friends and peers, we may even begin to purely and truthfully celebrate the achievements and accomplishments that we see on social media. Instead of feeling discouraged, jealous, insecure, and unworthy whenever a baby announcement, marriage proposal, job offer, grad school acceptance, or life achievement floods our newsfeed, we may begin to feel genuinely happy and selflessly pleased for our peers. We are able to free ourselves to be happy for peers because we come to know that our own success, our own journey, and our own growth, are not made worthy based in comparison to the achievements of those around us.So, take a deep breath, let go of whatever unattained object or achievement is telling you that you are a failure, a disappointment. Be thankful for these unexpected circumstances, for they may be directing you to otherwise unforeseen, overlooked, or concealed opportunities. Go forth and bloom, try and fail, get back up and discover the course of where this beautifully unpredictable life is leading you. Be confident that your worth is not defined by your expectations, nor is it judged in comparison to the achievements of all those around you. Rather, your worth is found in the midst of all your achievements and failures, alike, that empower you to be all that you can be, in the very best way.

Be Kind Anyway

Use kind words. “Words are singularly the most powerful force available to humanity. We can choose to use this force constructively with words of encouragement, or destructively using words of despair. Words have energy and power with the ability to help, to heal, to hinder, to hurt, to harm, to humiliate and to humble.”- Yehuda BergGrowing up, we have been warned of the power of our words. We have learned through the experience of our own, or of others, that the power of our words can pierce like a double-edged sword. “Think before you speak,” “Be quick to listen and slow to speak,” “Count to ten,” are uttered commands cautioning us against a flippant tongue and a careless mouth. Likely, “That’s not what I meant,” “You misunderstood me,” “I spoke too soon,” are all attempted apologies we mutter when we realize the weight of our words a little too late. You see, at certain points in our lives, we have all been on both the giving and receiving end of painful words. We have experienced the instantaneous guilt of our words causing harm to someone else and we have also experienced the shame and discouragement of words that have pierced our own souls. We have been put in time-outs, forced to say our “sorries”, reprimanded and scolded when our words evidently pained someone else. On the other end, when we have been wronged by words, we have retreated to our safe-haven, justified our grudges, given off the silent treatment, launched a mute warfare; we have mastered the art of building up walls and closing our hearts when we feel like we have been wronged or when we have experienced pain. But, on both these ends, as the giver and the receiver, we are constantly learning the power of our words.But, as we grow older, the consequences of our words grow more impactful. The power of our kindness, then, grows more powerful. Often, we exude kindness where we think it is deserved. We judge our circumstances, we judge our spirits, we judge people, and we evaluate whether or not kindness is deserved. I have been learning this in my own life recently. I have noticed myself examining my circumstances and attitudes, justifying myself based on my judgement of what other people deserve. I have found that my actions and attitude have been influenced by what I believe I deserve in return. When I have felt cheated at work, when I have felt discouraged, when I believe I have been treated unfairly, or when I have not received what I believe I deserve, I have withheld kindness. While it has not been intentional, it is profound. I have been humbled in learning that my acts or attitude in giving kindness to others should not be dependent on what I think they deserve or even what I think I deserve. You see, when we release kindness from the confines we keep it in, we allow its work to influence people, to illuminate circumstances, and to touch the world beyond what we could ever imagine. When we let go of our control, of the power we believe we should have in judging the circumstances and people in our lives, we will experience a freedom in giving kindness that does not grow dependent on what we think we deserve. When we let go of our perception of what we think we deserve, we will learn that our kindness is not reflective of how fairly we are treated. When we allow freedom to replace our perception of rightness, we will experience the true nature of kindness.We learn, then, that using kind words becomes more important now, than it was when we were growing up, playing with our schoolmates on the playground. We realize the positive weight in exuding kindness in more profound ways than our grade school days. We more deeply sense the humbling nature of being kind even when it is not deserved or warranted than when we did growing up in our homes. When we grow out of grade school, we realize that there are no rules. We no longer find teachers intervening in arguments, righting wrongs and warranting apologies. We more clearly see unfairness played out in the workplace, in educational institutions, in our own government, in life in general. But today, more than ever, we find that the powerful nature of our kindness has the capacity to soften our own hearts, to rid our souls of bitterness, and to travel to places and people beyond what we could ever conceive. When we experience the humbling force of kindness and the freedom that it awards us, we may discover that kindness does not become something we reward to people when we see fit, nor does it become a reaction in good judgement, but it becomes something that we exude because it is deserved in and of itself.Mother Teresa once said, “People are often unreasonable, irrational, and self centered; forgive them anyway. If you are kind, people may accuse you of selfish, ulterior motives; be kind anyway . . . . In the final analysis, it is between you and God; it was never between you and them anyway.” Our kindness has a bigger purpose that surpasses any understanding of what we think we deserve. So, live graciously anyway. Despite how you have been wronged or the ways in which you have been hurt or mistreated, be kind anyway. For the humbling freedom you experience in kindness will defeat what you think you deserve in any way.

Finding Promise in a Pot of Gold

Keep Your Promises. Today is St. Patrick’s Day and on a day like today, the symbols of rainbows, pots of gold, shamrocks, and leprechauns sprinkle the air as the sensation of luck feels all the more closer to us. We have grown up with the excitement of finding a pot of gold under this lucky rainbow. Today, retail deals continue to play on this special symbol of luck and promise, “Get 20% off with your purchase,” “It’s your lucky day with this deal!” But, for most of us, even after this distinguished day, our search for our own pot of gold under the rainbow does not cease. After this day where we celebrate luck and good fortune, we still continue to vehemently pursue our own luck and our own promise. But, where will our quest for promise lead us? Where do our desires drive us in our pursuit of luck and good fortune? What promise will we find at the end of our pot of gold?We have been told growing up, “Always keep your promises.” The value of this ideal has been instilled in us since childhood because the action of keeping a promise shows a dedication to commitment. When we follow through with our promises, we are seen as trustworthy; we prove that we can be relied upon, that our word has value. But, in the same way that we have learned the value of keeping our promises, in gaining someone’s trust, we have also learned of its value through our own mistakes. We may never see the value of trustworthiness until we have understood the devastation of disappointing someone. Have you ever broken your promise to someone? Have you ever gone back on your word? Even further, have you ever been caught in the action of breaking your promise or going back on your word? Alternatively, have you ever promised something that is beyond your control? “I promise you, it is all going to work out,” “That will never happen to you,” “You won’t lose your job,” “He’ll realize that he’s really missing out and that he made a huge mistake.” The truth is, we mutter unspoken promises all the time. But, when we mutter these promises, how dedicated are we to seeing them through? Once we realize the power in our words and the value in keeping to our word, committing to our promises, we may begin to question how flippantly we hand out promises. In fact, we should begin to question how flippantly we hand out promises. We may not be able to fix someone’s work situation and secure the future of their career. We may not be able to get our best-friend’s ex to realize what they are is missing out on, or what a monumental mistake they have made. We may not be able to assure that everything actually will be okay. We definitely cannot predict nor control the future. But, the fact is, that is not our job. It is not our job to predict the future, to assure someone else’s happiness, to control other people’s circumstances, even if we think it is in their best interest. Our best, noblest, and purest intentions do not allow for the obsession we have in having control.So, what happens when we let go of control? What happens when we begin to deeply examine the weight of our promises? How will the intentional choice of and commitment to our promises affect our relationships? First, we may begin to notice that our promises, themselves, do not seem as important as the context and circumstances surrounding what we are promising to someone. It may be easier, or seem appropriate in the moment, to treat our promises like a dose of medication that rights all the wrongs in the world. Our promises become, instead, an easy solution, a right answer. But, what if we begin to dig deeper into the dirt and muck that warrant a right answer, a solution, or a promise. What if, instead of committing to making a promise, we commit to our relationships? What if we stay with a friend who has just lost their job? What if we cry with our friend who is brokenhearted from a broken relationship? What if we question with our friend if everything really will be okay? Instead of promising that everything will work out, what if we accept that we do not know if it will even work out? Once we let go of control, our eyes are opened to the people instead of the promises that lie before us. When we let go of control, we become free to support the people we are seeking to fulfill promises to. When our need for control is diminished, we begin to see more, to feel deeper, and to love better. Maybe then, we begin to choose our promises more wisely. Maybe then, we begin to become people that adhere to their words. Maybe then, we allow ourselves to feel what our friends are feeling and to be present with them instead of actively searching for a fulfilling promise, a dose of luck, at the bottom of a seemingly endless pot of gold.So, try your luck today. Maybe instead of searching for gold in whatever pot of gold you have, you search for gold in the relationships that surround you. There will be times that we go back on our word, that we leave our promises unfulfilled. But, when we begin to see the promise in someone else instead of another thing, another ambition, another attainment, or another pursuit, we may see that those promises begin to fulfill themselves through our commitment to our relationships. So, today, instead of seeking a pot of gold, you may ask yourself who, instead, is holding your pot of gold.

In All Circumstances

Over the next five weeks, we will examine essential rules or values that we have been taught from our childhood. These “household rules”, as I call them, illustrate more than merely a behavioral code of conduct that our parents, teachers, or other authority figures instilled in us. Rather, these ideals illuminate practices or habits that we may be able to use in order to spread our unique influence, bridge and enrich relationships, and affect world-change. As we uncover the truths within each of these principles, my hope is that we will be empowered with the strength within us in order to deeper and more affectively love the world and all those around us. We will begin with our first principle, Always tell the truth. Something we learn from an early age is to tell the truth. In middle school, I read an autobiographical story about a Jewish woman named Corrie ten Boom. In the novel, The Hiding Place, Boom recounts how her and her family helped numerous Jews escape the Nazi Holocaust during World War II and how she was subsequently imprisoned for her actions. This real life example became a pillar for philosophical and intellectual examination of the duty to tell the truth. Years later, in my college Intro to Philosophy class, we examined the weight of the duty to tell the truth, the parameters we place around it, and any exceptions that allow any ethical opportunity in which we do not tell the truth to exist. “If your life were in jeopardy, if you found yourself in the presence of Nazi soldiers, would telling a lie be permitted?” We pondered such a question for a few weeks worth of lectures, coming to different conclusions across the board. But for Boom, this reality of telling the truth was not merely a question of ethics, but a conviction of something deeper, of a force more powerful, and ultimately of the instance that would change her life. In her novel, Boom reflects upon these tragedies that were wrapped in her memories of the concentration camp, but she finds a purpose even amid the heartache. She famously says, “Today I know that such memories are the key not to the past, but to the future. I know that the experiences of our lives, when we let God use them, become the mysterious and perfect preparation for the work He will give us to do.” For most of us living in America, we may never know the heart-wrenching conviction of deciding to tell the truth when it may cost us our lives or our freedom. We may never have to realize how an instance of telling the truth can completely alter our entire world. However, we as we reflect on such a simple and foundational truth that has become instinctive in our lives, we may begin to realize how this truth impacts our relationships with one another. The example of Corrie ten Boom should cast a light on the value that we allot to telling the truth. Do we elevate its importance, and its effect on other people, above how important we may perceive our own lives or circumstances to be? Do we craft our own parameters and identify our own exceptions where telling the truth may not be necessary? Do we justify a lie, convincing ourselves that the truth, instead, would cause more harm than good? We teach our children the importance of telling the truth, rebuking them if we catch them in a lie. Today, I see the value of telling the truth in the way that it affects relationships. Trust is threatened, sometimes wholly lost, when we catch a friend, family member, spouse, or partner in a lie. It almost seems that the value of telling the truth withstands all of time, variances of culture, nationality, and generation. But how far do we allow this principle of always telling the truth to seep into our lives? Always tell the truth. The word “always” is replaced with “mostly”, “generally”, “only when it does not cause harm to others-- or myself”. But, what if we shed our addiction to control? What if we allowed the events of the unknown to prevail amid whatever circumstances, conditions, tragedies, heartbreak, uncertainty, happiness, and wonder that may accompany them? What if we choose to tell the truth even when it is not in our own best interest? What if we always tell the truth? When we elevate the value of telling the truth above our own convenience or preference, we may begin to notice a shift in our own relationships and in our own view of the world. We may discover that the practice of telling the truth does not have to be sacrificed at our own expense or at the expense of others. We may begin to develop a grace, kindness, gentleness, and empathy in our deliverance in telling the truth, such that as our pride begins to diminish, our humility begins to take root. Once we let go of our grip on controlling our lives, our eyes may become open to way that the truth illuminates the unknown and prevails amid whatever fears or anxieties that we may have. The fact is, we may mess up. We may not be capable telling the truth in all circumstances. We may hurt others with our dishonesty. We may continue to make a few or a lot of mistakes for as long as we live. But, the thing about an ideal is that it stands resistant to our mistakes and failures and instead equips us to continually strive to attain it. By striving to tell the truth, then, we push ourselves to become better each day. By striving to tell the truth in all circumstances, we not only hold fast to that ideal for ourselves, but for all those around us. Just then, we may begin to see that in all our attempts in telling the truth and the mistakes we make along the way, we allow the beauty of the unknown to shine through all those relationships, expected and unexpected, we form with the world around us. 

Household Rules to Change the World

Almost every family has household rules. Even amid the variances of culture and nationality, families around the world learn to establish a set of rules and guidelines by which each member will follow for the betterment and flourishment of their families. Regarding the establishment of healthy and thriving family relationships, there are many psychological and sociological studies which evaluate not only the significance of setting household rules, but the significance of which rules to set. Despite the ideal these rules promote, the reality of our world permits imperfect relationships and, as a result, many of us have been harmed by broken family relationships. However, it is my hope to discover the unbelievable inherent power within us that shines through whatever backgrounds we may have come from, whatever family circumstances that have shaped our view of the world, and whatever family-related tragedies that have caused us pain. We find this transformational power when we discover the truth that lies within these habits and when we use that truth to influence not only the way we raise our future families, but the way we create a family out of the various people inhabiting the world around us. Throughout this next series, as we discover the importance of each of these “household rules”, I hope that we will begin to reflect upon how these habits not only enrich our relationships with our closest circle of family and friends, but lead us to cultivate deeper relationships with those throughout the world beyond us. We may seen, then, that the habits we imbed in the way we teach and lead our families have a greater significance in the way that we carry out our lives. With each of these rules, we may be enlightened to the way that they fortify and adorn our perception of the vast world beyond us. I have chosen each of these rules to embody not only the relationships we hope to have with our own families and close friends, but also the relationships that will bridge national, ethnic, racial, socioeconomic, or gender differences, and that will humbly combat and wholly eradicate the deepest of embedded oppressions.I have focused on eleven “household rules”:

1. Always tell the truth.
2. Keep your promises.
3. Use kind words.
4. Do your best.
5. Say “please” and “thank you”.
6. Laugh often.
7. Try new things.
8. Look after one another.
9. Forgive and forget-- or, let go.
10. Act out of love.
11. Never give up-- or, dream big.

For each of these rules or habits, we will explore a core truth that establishes an ideal for the way we should treat both our closest circle of family and friends and also those we may never come to meet. These truths embedded in each of these household rules will do more than expose our habits in the relationships with those we know, but they will illuminate the hope we carry to make the world a better place. By becoming familiar with the truths in the these household rules of ours, we may see the love we share encompassing our closest friends and family expand to include those we have not yet met nor may ever come to meet. But, understanding the truth within the habits we create for ourselves will dissolve the line that separates our family from complete strangers, allowing our love, empathy, kindness, and compassion to reach the depths of the world. Then, the more we see our actions concerning the betterment of our own family and friends become synonymous with those concerning the betterment of people we have never met before, the more we will see the world change and grow. And, once we start to connect the truth of our habits with its influence on the world around us, the more these rules become not just habits that we teach our own children, but habits that we pass on to children of future generations.