[Self Series] Seeing Yourself

*Author’s note: Although the intention of this article was directed at speaking to those who are single, my heart is for these words to impact and encourage anyone who is experiencing loneliness, rejection, or doubt in any way. The reality is that the feeling of loneliness, rejection, or disappointment does not just pertain to romantic relationships; it can be felt in friendships, family relationships, and anything that we fix our attention and desire on. In pole and line fishing, fishermen use live bait to entice fish to catch. Throwing and scattering the live bait is an important step in the fishing process because it creates the illusion that the water surface is alive with small fish which attracts the bigger fish. After throwing the bait, fishermen then cast their jigs and lines into the water. According to the Food and Agriculture Organization of the United Nations, during this process, specific to fishing tuna, “several tons of tuna can be fished in a few hours. However, if a fish falls back in the water or if the amount of thrown baits decreases, the school can run away from the vessel and the fishing ends as quickly as it started”[1]When it comes to dating, we often focus on the art of attraction or the thrill of the chase. We keep throwing our bait out into the water to see what it will attract and then we throw our line out to see what it will catch. When that does not work, we reevaluate our bait: “Is it too much?” “Is it too little?” If we do not find any problem with our bait, we begin to question how we are throwing our line: “Am I throwing it far enough?” We keep throwing our line, hoping that something will catch: “Why isn’t anything catching?” “What am I doing wrong?” “What is wrong with me?”I have often heard: “This is your time to love yourself and to grow in who you are so that you will be ready to let someone else love you.” I have often told myself these words. But, there should be no “so that.” We should love ourselves and push ourselves to grow, mature, and develop for ourselves. So, if I may speak to the single ladies for a moment; hear these words: there is nothing wrong with you. You are valuable, you have worth, you have dignity, you are courageous and resilient, you are compassionate and loving, you are learning and experienced, and you are stronger than you know. You are all of these things, not for anyone else but, rather, for yourself, and that is enough.So, during this time of singleness, love yourself for the sole purpose of loving yourself. You do not need to love yourself so that someone else will be capable of loving you someday. Rather, you should love yourself so that you are capable of growing into that extraordinary love for yourself every day. You should love the things about yourself that give you pride in who you are. You should love the strength that has driven you to where you are and who you are today. You should love the qualities about yourself that make you unique: your attitude, your personality, and your quirks. You should love the things that inspire you: your dreams, your passions, and your hopes. You should love all your knowledge and experience that has sustained these passions of yours and has inspired you to see them through. Just as importantly, you should love all the flaws you see in yourself. Love them because they make you who you are. But also love them because they are opportunities for you to grow. They are also opportunities for you to relate to other people, for you to show compassion and empathy for other people and, ultimately, for you to teach other people from your flaws and from your mistakes. You do not need anyone else to do this for you. You are strong enough to do this for yourself. You are capable of loving yourself for yourself. You should be your source of encouragement, confidence, and reinforcement because you are worth it.Once you learn to love yourself for yourself, you can take advantage of what this time is allowing you to do. You have a liberty that allows you to explore more of yourself, more of your community, and even more of the vast world around you in such a unique way that a time of singleness can only provide you. Appreciate this time for what it is teaching you, what it is showing you, and where it is guiding you. Right now, you may be able to act on a whim and you may be able to blindly follow your heart because you do not have a responsibility to a partner. Use this time of almost complete freedom to explore, to grow, and to learn about yourself, about the community you find yourself in, and about the world that may be at your fingertips.As you learn to love yourself for yourself and appreciate being single for what it is gifting you with, you will be able to settle down with yourself. In the same way that there is a time of settling down in every relationship, there is also a time of settling down with yourself. Treat yourself with respect and dignity; shower yourself with love and know that you are deserving of love, but do this every day. Create a routine for yourself. You should love yourself so intimately and so regularly that it becomes a daily habit. You should regularly know yourself, challenge yourself, and send yourself out to explore the world around you in such a way that is unique to who you are. When you practice loving yourself in this way, when you practice “seeing” yourself, you will begin to settle down with yourself. You will find peace, comfort, security, contentment, and happiness in who you are and you will acquire the strength to continually challenge yourself to become the best version of yourself for no other person than yourself.We all have a line that we throw out into our waters, into the world. Some of us have thrown our line out endlessly, only to feel the sting of rejection all the more palpable with each time we cast our line out. Some of us hold on to our line so tight that we miss what the waters might be showing us. And still, most of us continue to throw our lines out to see what will catch. So we wait, we hope, and we keep throwing out our line. But, sometimes you have to see how far you, yourself, can let the line go before you let something else grab a hold of it. So, what if we started to throw our line out, not to see what we could catch with it, but to see how far it could go? What if we threw our line out in a way that taught us to trust our own line and to trust the strength of ourselves? Will that change the way we see ourselves?So, ask yourself: how will you throw out your line?[1] http://www.fao.org/fishery/fishtech/30/en