You Matter

Just last week, I took a spontaneous trip to Trader Joe’s after a long day at work. I decided that some fresh blooms and a good bottle of rosé would remedy the evening. As I approached the register, the clerk looked at me smirked. “Have any hot plans tonight?” he queried. With a genuine and all-too-familiar laugh, I admitted that those goodies were all for me. “Treat yo self,” he assured me. His response was as quick and intuitive as a coach’s reassuring pep talk to one of his players- “You’ll get ‘em next time, sport.” For some context, “Treat yo self” was a catchphrase first made famous by the television show Parks and Recreation in 2011, when Tom Haverford, portrayed by Aziz Ansari, and Donna Meagle, portrayed by Retta, celebrate their annual “Treat Yo Self” Day by splurging on clothes, messages, and any other of life’s pleasures. Since then, the phrase has gone viral. But, amid the humor and the playfulness that the phrase implies, there rings a bit of sincerity to it. When do we actually treat ourselves? Do we focus on ourselves, on our own growth? Or, do we shy away from it, convincing ourselves that prioritizing our own growth is in some way selfish? Can we allow ourselves to prioritize what fills our souls and grows our character? In one of my favorite passages from the novel, Eat, Pray, Love, Liz seeks to answer this question, saying,

“I did not know yet what I deserved. I still maybe don’t fully know what I deserve. But I do know that I have collected myself of late- through the enjoyment of harmless pleasures- into somebody much more intact. The easiest, most fundamentally human way to say it is that I have put on weight. I exist more now than I did four months ago. I will leave [this place, experience, season, etc.] noticeably bigger than when I arrived here. And I will leave with the hope that the expansion of one person- the magnification of one life- is indeed an act of worth in this world. Even if that life, just this one time, happens to be nobody’s but my own.”

This month, we have explored topics of exploring our happiness, practicing devotion, and finding a necessary balance between the two. Using the novel Eat, Pray, Love by Elizabeth Gilbert, we have examined the depths of our souls, the longings of our hearts, and the directions of our dreams. We have found that we can become empowered to pursue our dreams, to secure our happiness, and to allow our faith and devotion to carve deeper crevices of meaning in our lives. But, we must always remember that the belief in our worth is the nourishment by which the roots of change and transformation can spread forth into our lives. We can chase after our dreams until our hearts grow weary, we can endlessly pursue what we believe will make us happy, and we can expend our energy to our devotion or faith. But, all these endeavors will not lead us to find the peace and joy of our hearts unless we are prompted by confidently believing in our worth.This lesson of self-discovery is paralleled even in the way that I came to read this gripping tale of another woman’s quest to find herself. I acquired my copy of Elizabeth Gilbert’s famous novel from a second-hand bookstore. I love my copy of her novel because it has been worn, torn, and loved by a complete stranger before it was even placed into my hands. With each page turned, each convicting phrase and transparent story underlined, I got a sense of the story of the book’s previous owner. Stumbling upon this unique copy also came at a crucial point in my life. I had just returned home from a study-abroad trip in Cape Town, South Africa- a beautiful place I had learned to call my home for five months. It seemed, then, that not only was a captivating and life-altering story about to unfold before me, but also the way in which this tale affected the previous book-owner. It was the collision of these multiple worlds, the experience of the author, of the previous book-owner, and of my own ventures abroad that would significantly affect the way I would perceive the world. You see, we all have a story to tell. Better yet, the worth of each of our stories is insurmountable. The wears and tears on each of our pages, the highlighted portions, the important events, the memorable quotes, the tearjerkers, the relatable characters, the cameo appearances, and the inspirational revelations are all things that make each of our stories unique. Our individual plotlines are unlike anything experienced before. Those things altogether make each of our stories invaluable. We must only, then, begin to learn how to tell them.In telling your story and driving your plotline, treat yourself to an incredible, adventurous, and incandescently beautiful life. Chase after your dreams, pursue what makes you happy, grow in your faith, find and grow secure in your contentment, and do all these things based off the belief of you worth. Live your life in such a radiant way, even if sometimes it is for no other person than yourself. Breathe life into your unique story. Believe that you matter. And, go boldly in the direction that your life is leading you. Treat yourself to the enjoyment of your unique and vibrant life.

[Self Series] Dignifying Yourself

“I will what I want,” “I am what I am,” “Nothing is impossible,” “Love the skin you’re in,” “Let yourself shine,” “Because you’re worth it.”When it comes to skin-care products, maintaining our health, or protecting our preferences, we do not have a hard time believing in our worth; but what about when it comes to ourselves? Do we see the worth in ourselves? It may be easier for us to declare: “I care about my skin,” “I care about my hair,” “I care about what I put in my body,” “I care about what I put on my body.” But it becomes substantially harder to declare: “I care about myself.”Dignifying yourself is a responsibility you have to yourself to see your own worth and then to act out of that worth. So, dignifying yourself first begins with knowing yourself. Know that you are unique. There is no one else in the world exactly like you; that in itself makes you worth it. If there is no one else in the world like you, then there is no one else that can impact the world in the way that you can. Be proud of who you are. Throughout this series, we have been learning to love ourselves, express our thoughts and feelings, overcome self-doubt, grow into ourselves, and grow comfortable with seeing ourselves. There is a unique way that each of us will continue to grow in these areas. The different ways that each one of us approaches these concepts adds to our uniqueness which adds to our worth. Loving ourselves, expressing ourselves, overcoming self-doubt, and growing in ourselves add to our worth. You are worth it. You are worth it, not just because a cosmetic product tells you that you are, not just because consumerism wants you to buy the latest thing, not just because you want to get the best skin, the best hair, the best make-up, the best clothes, the best job, the best house, but simply because of who you are. You are worth it because you are uniquely and completely you.But, seeing your worth does not end there. Dignifying yourself continues with living according to your worth. Once you know or realize your worth, you should accommodate your life in such a way that it represents that worth. Respecting your own worth requires action. It is a responsibility to yourself that requires you to behave out of your worth. This means that your attitude should reflect your worth. When you realize your worth, self-deprecation, self-loathing, and negativity should have no place in how you think about yourself and how you carry yourself. When you realize your worth, you should continually uplift yourself. You should challenge yourself, but you should do so in such a way that only edifies yourself. Respecting your own worth means not only that your attitude should reflect your worth, but that your actions should also reflect your worth. You should pursue endeavors that give you the opportunity to grow and that strengthen how you view your worth. More than that, you should make every opportunity one that allows you to grow and to strengthen how you view your worth. This is a responsibility on your part, to make that job you hate, that friend you do not get along with, or that thing that you think is a waste of your time into something that is teaching you and growing your character, because ultimately it is contributing to your worth.Finally, dignifying yourself continues with surrounding yourself with people who believe in your worth. Now, this does not mean that every person in your life should be your cheerleader. Rather, it means that the core people in your life should support, edify, and challenge you. Your coworkers may not be your best friends, your Facebook friends or Instagram and Twitter followers are not your best friends. Do not mistake the desire for acceptance for the support of your worth. The people that truly see your worth will not seek to feed your desire for acceptance; they will not merely cheer you on, but they will challenge you to pursue your worth, to act out of your worth, and to live according to the highest fulfillment of your worth. It is okay to interact with people, and even befriend those people, who may not realize your worth. The reality is that not everyone will care to get to know you on an intimate level, and that is okay. You should not pursue everyone’s acceptance of you, but you should purse close and intimate friendships, and surround yourself with those friendships, that allow your worth to flourish.So, start believing that you are worth it. You are worth being cared for. You are worth being invested in. You are worth being believed in. You are worth being fought for. You are worth other people’s time, thoughts, and feelings. You are worth all the opportunities that are given to you. You are worth being lavished. You are worth being respected. You are worth being adored. You are worth it because you are uniquely and completely you. Live confidently and securely out of your worth. Believe in your worth, because you are worth it.