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Embracing Imperfection
I am heavily inclined toward being a perfectionist. It feels like an instinctive internal pressure that I have to train against, and to fight against the fleeting desire, I have to be very aware of when I am falling into the unnecessary personal trap. Another realization: the perfectionist pressure does not come from an outside source. It is completely internal, and what could appear as external is merely comparison, which is completely internal. It’s getting deep, y’all. Who can relate?The Idea of Emotional PerfectionI moved from Dallas to Los Angeles a little over three years ago, and it was as though I put myself on this subconscious timeline; I expected myself to feel settled in six months, and I was confused why I wasn’t even close. I felt like I should have deep, long-lasting friendships built right away and was discouraged when they were still at the very beginning stages even a year-in. I launched my blog, dry shampoo, and charity in January, and the fight against having every thing in perfect order was a struggle. It is all a battle of control, isn’t it?Not to mention, accepting my imperfect body with the loss of my left hand and eye is a daily battle.My mom just launched an amazing podcast called Thriving Beyond Belief, and she always sends me the rough interviews (I love it so much!). In her discussion with Jamie Ivey, Jamie brought up this premise: why don’t we view our stories as God's redemptiveness and His presence rather than a list of insecurities? He made us so carefully in His image, and our story is a reflection of His beauty and purpose. That hit me so deeply, and I love remembering that in my weakness and insecurities is His strength. My imperfection is a reminder that I need Him because only He is perfect!
A ShiftThe key word my husband has so lovingly infused in my brain is RELAX. Incorporating the definition of this word into every aspect of life is a game. changer. It shifts the perspective from viewing things as must-do projects and rigid to-do lists to enjoying the journey that every day brings. It helps you go with the flow without internally panicking. It leads to more laughing, greater appreciation, acceptance, and deeper joy even in the messy moments. I'll take that over pressure and anxiety at any moment, but it truly takes an intentional awareness, decisions, and shifts to instill this.
ConclusionI am looking three years of living in California in the eyes, and I kinda, sorta, slightly feel like L.A. is home, and that’s okay. We are rebranding our dry shampoo, Stranded, and it’s so exciting. I sometimes go an entire week without working out or going to the grocery store after a busy travel schedule, and in that, I embrace date nights out and pizza nights in. These all seem so imperfect, but I now view them as lovely.I was reading a blog post a friend wrote last week discussing thirty things she learned in her thirty years of life. These four statements confirmed the concept of accepting and resting in the idea that we will never be perfect.Life is imperfect and imbalanced always.Be comfortable with being uncomfortable.Love is uncomplicated.Hard work doesn’t always give me what I want.We all have one life to live. Relax, live confidently in every part of our story, and enjoy life to the fullest capacity.Do you struggle with imperfection? We would love to hear from you in the comments section below! xo
This post is in collaboration with The Refined Collective Series.
Sparing Change
I will be the first to admit that I hate change. Personally, I believe that most of us, to some degree, hate change. While some of us cope with it better than others, I err on the side of trying to ignore change into nonexistence. Needless to say, it does not work for me. But, in this whirlwind year of post-grad, I have been learning not only to cope with change, but to look forward to all that it may bring. Almost two weeks ago, my oldest sister got married. She married the man of her dreams, her boyfriend of nearly ten years and, in what seemed to be only a few weeks, she bought a new place, set up her new home, and moved in with her new husband. This short period of time before her wedding day was filled with beautiful and treasurable new additions- a new brother, a new home to visit, a new life to admire, and a new union to wholeheartedly celebrate. But, it was also a time that I mourned because my oldest sister, my role model, my roommate of twenty-three years, and my best friend was moving out of our home. It was a lot of change to handle, especially for someone who unashamedly and admittedly hates change. But, as I learned to accept the inevitable, the unchangeable, I learned to be okay with change. Then, the unexpected happened: I learned to grow comfortable with change. So, why does change scare us so much? We hate change because it is unfamiliar- we have nothing to compare it to, nothing to judge it by, and we are uncertain of its outcomes. We also are uncomfortable with change because we grow comfortable and secure, instead, in our own perception of “normal”, in what we have created our own normal to be. But, when we begin to accept the inevitability of change, we also begin to open ourselves to all the opportunity that change will bring into our lives. As we grow more comfortable with change, as we begin to hate change less and less, we may begin to notice positive outcomes of change in our lives. You see, change is scary, but wholly necessary, because it shifts and sometimes altogether redefines our normal. But, in altering our sense of security, change causes us to accept and create new normals for ourselves. It allows us to adapt to different circumstances. Without change, we would never be challenged to thrive in newness, we may never grow to trust uncertainty, and we may never realize our potential beyond our own understanding. Change is good because it unlocks a growth we would never choose for ourselves- a growth that is uncomfortable, new, and incomparable, but a growth that is wholly necessary in order for us to experience new depths in all relationships and experiences in our lives.This change is good because it opens our eyes to an otherwise unseen world around us, a new order, an alternate way of life, or otherwise hidden opportunities. Change is good for us because it forces us to accept new normalcies for our lives, normalcies that take us in new directions and help us to uncover new meanings. If it were not for forceful and inevitable change in our lives, we would grow so accustomed to the normalcy of our lives that we would not look for or be interested in anything else. But, inevitable change shifts our focus and realigns our gaze to things, people, and experiences that we may not have looked to otherwise. Change causes us to adapt to creating new normalcies and to relying on the process of normalizing new things, new places, and new people. Change opens our eyes and our hearts to a world that encompasses vastly more than the parameters that hold our individually crafted sense of normalcy.
Leo Tolstoy once said, “The changes in our life must come from the impossibility to live otherwise than according to the demands of our conscience not from our mental resolution to try a new form of life.” In wrapping my mind around this concept of change, I have thought of someone asking you, “Can you spare me some change?” When someone asks us this, we willingly, and usually unquestioningly, offer them the change they need- a few dimes, a nickel, a quarter. But what if we learned to spare change in our own lives? What if we learned to preserve it, to accept it, and to allow it to offer us all of the experiences, places, people, and things that we would not have been open to otherwise? What, then, would sparing change, embracing change, look like for each of us? Might we begin to make room in our lives to spare some change? And, might we allow that change to recreate new normalcies? I believe that we can. I believe that we can begin to grow comfortable and accepting of all the vastly different forms of change in our lives- the good, the bad, the enjoyable, the necessary. And, as we begin to accept change, I believe that we will grow to allow ourselves to adapt to new normalcies and to accept all the outcomes, good and bad, unexpected and expected, wholly beautiful and incomparable, that this change will bring us.
Fear Not . . .
Try new things. Former Senator Robert F. Kennedy once said, “Only those who dare to fail greatly can ever achieve greatly.” The truth is, no one looks forward to failing. We do not like to fail. We avoid it. We do everything in our power not to succumb to it. And when we do fail, we try to quickly fix it, cover it up, mask it. We try to make it look like, on the contrary, we had been planning the alternative all along. “I meant for that to happen,” “I actually wanted that to happen,” we convince ourselves.But often, the fear of failure stands in the way of new and undiscovered adventure. Our fear sometimes prevents us from trying new things. If you would have asked me even three years ago if I would ever try bungee jumping, I would have given you an instinctive and confident “no”. I would have told you that I would try almost anything else before I would ever try bungee jumping. Something about flinging myself off a cliff with an all too untrustworthy rope attached to me as my only safety measure did not seem like my ideal sense of adventure. But, I soon found that my fear would be challenged. In 2013, I studied abroad in Cape Town, South Africa. Not long into settling halfway across the world, I found out that South Africa housed the tallest bungee bridge in the world- Bloukrans Bridge which stands at 216 meters, or 709 feet above the Bloukrans River. While this attraction intrigued most of my friends, the thought of willingly falling nearly 700 feet terrified me. However, a few weeks later, much to my surprise, I found myself paying a questionably inexpensive $75 registration fee for my otherwise invaluable life. Today, the action of jumping off that bridge is almost as vivid as it was in the mere moments that had followed it, and the memory of that experience rings as one of the best experiences of my life.
That day, my fear of bungee jumping almost cost me one of the best experiences of my life. It also almost cost me an invaluable lesson- that trying new things and, in doing so, discovering a newfound strength prepares us to offer all that we are to the world around us. The funny thing about fear is that it convinces us that we are not all we are created to be. It tells us not to go for that job, not to apply to that school, not to pursue that dream. It whispers to us that we are not strong enough, smart enough, talented enough, determined enough. Its deception is powerful and it does not spare a soul. But, when you know your worth and the inherent power in the uniqueness of who you are, you begin to question everything that fear is convincing you of and everything it is holding you back from. You begin to wonder, “Why can’t I apply for that grad school?”, “What is stopping me from going for that job?”, “Why aren’t I strong enough, brave enough, talented enough, good enough?” And, suddenly, when you realize that fear does not have a place in your life, the idea of failure holds no weight. You stop asking yourself, “What if I fail?” And instead challenge yourself, “But, what if I succeed?”While I am not encouraging everyone jump off a bridge, and while my fear of jumping off that bridge would have understandably crushed an otherwise brief sense of intrigue, that jump signaled an event that would remind me of the power within me for years to come. Overcoming my fear of bungee jumping empowered me to try something I would have never imagined doing nor ever thought I was capable of trying. You see, when we free ourselves of the hold fear has on our lives, we not only discover an inherent power within us, but we discover new destinations that power will lead us to and new uncoverings that power will unearth. The truth is, we have all overcome fear, and we have lived to humbly tell incredible, incomparable, and inconceivable stories because of it. We also have, at times, allowed fear to hold us back. While we undoubtedly learn from missed opportunities, and while we experience grace in the event that fear temporarily scores a win, we learn more about our own power and capability when we experience a world of opportunities from defeating fear. In those times and circumstances that we triumph over fear, we open a whole new world of opportunities that may have otherwise remained concealed. And when we open a new world of inexperience, informality, and thrill, not only do we grow in such an incomparable way, but we offer that growth to the world around us.So, may you free yourself to take a daring dive off whatever bridge stands in your way. May you experience the thrill and freedom in not only facing your fears, but triumphing over those fears. May you continue to take risks- apply to that grad school halfway across the world, go for that job, sacrifice familiarity, embrace the unexplained and unpredicted. Knowing the power within you and the uniqueness you have to offer the world, may you boldly venture out into the unknown, all the while, unafraid of failure. And, may you dare to fail, to fail again, and to get back up so that you can continue to try new things, unearth new discoveries, and offer those discoveries to the world.
Know It, Change It, End It
Throughout my college career, I was gripped by the human trafficking epidemic. I looked to join the fight against human slavery in any way that I could- by researching, educating others, forming solidarity with peers, mentors, professors, and other advocates, and even writing my thesis on the epidemic itself and on ways governments and civilians, alike, can see this horrific tragedy come to an end. My passion for this cause, something that would forever steer the course of my life, was ignited on a fateful day when I was late to class. Flustered and rushed, I was multitasking putting my keys into my bookbag, dodging stationary objects, and crafting up a plan to slip through the back door of my classroom and quietly into my seat. Without seeing another soul in sight, I glided, or more accurately fumbled, through the university’s piazza. But, as I approached the building where my class was being held, I saw a small group of students tabling near the entrance. Planning on flinging a flippant response of “Sorry, I’m late to class,” to whatever they were about to ask me or tell me about, I was stopped in my tracks. “Do you have a few seconds to help end modern-day slavery?” the student at the table asked me. With some sort of a combination of intrigue, shock, skepticism, and willingness, I approached the table and allowed this other student explain to me what modern-day slavery was and how we, as students, can unite to bring human trafficking to an end. That day, I signed my name on a petition, I filled out my email to receive more news from the student organization, International Justice Mission (IJM), and I went on my way, despite being even tardier to class. A year later, though, I found myself involved in IJM’s annual Stand For Freedom event, an all-day rally to raise awareness and gain student support for the fight against human trafficking. Two years after that day, I held a leadership position in our IJM campus chapter. Nearly a week ago, February 25th was designated National Shine a Light on Slavery Day. This day is spearheaded by The END IT Movement in order to raise national and global awareness of human trafficking. By marking a red X on their hands and using the hashtag “enditmovement”, advocates all around the world displayed their support for the fight against slavery and attempted to raise awareness among their family, friends, peers, and social media followers. So, what is human trafficking and why should we cause such a fuss about it? Every year, the number of people held in captivity around the world has been growing. The most recent statistic by IJM has human slavery encompassing 35 million people around the world. Another organization called Free the Slaves sees that number reaching as many as 36 million people in an illegal trade generating nearly $150 billion a year. So, with a tragedy threatening the lives of so many people globally, why does it still exist? Human trafficking is hard to pinpoint. It is hard to determine what has caused it and what parameters allow it to exist. The term “human trafficking” or “modern slavery” itself is so broad and far-reaching. It is important, then, to unpack what the term means in order to become aware of where and how human trafficking exists. Human trafficking includes forced prostitution and other forms of sex slavery, bonded labor, debt bondage, and domestic servitude. The International Labour Organization (ILO), “an agency of the United Nations, defines human trafficking as the ‘recruitment, transportation, transfer, harboring or receipt of persons, by means of the threat or use of force or other forms of coercion, of abduction, of fraud, of deception, of the abuse of power or of a position of vulnerability or of the giving or receiving of payments or benefits to achieve the consent of a person having control over another person, for the purpose of exploitation. Exploitation shall include, at a minimum, the exploitation of the prostitution of others or other forms of sexual exploitation, forced labor or services, slavery or practices similar to slavery, servitude, or the removal of organs.’” California legislation affirms that “as codified in the California Penal Code, anyone who ‘deprives or violates the personal liberty of another with the intent . . . to obtain forced labor or services’ is guilty of human trafficking. Depriving or violating a person's liberty includes ‘substantial and sustained restriction of another's liberty accomplished through fraud, deceit, coercion, violence, duress, menace, or threat of unlawful injury to the victim or to another person, under circumstances where the person receiving or apprehending the threat reasonably believes that it is likely that the person making the threat would carry it out.’” Understanding the scope of human trafficking, therefore, is an important step in combatting the epidemic that covers 167 countries around the world, including the United States which is estimated to have 60,000 persons in some form of slavery stated above. 
A hugely and globally acclaimed epidemic claiming dozens of millions of lives around the world may seem daunting if not completely irreparable. But, I believe there is hope; there is always hope. Our hope lies in continually educating ourselves and enlightening those around us to this persisting tragedy. Our hope also lies in taking action. Taking action can be as simple and equally profound as stepping out in boldness and confidence on various social media platforms, raising awareness for the problem and bringing to light various organizations that are working together to combat it. Using social media to speak out on a global issue is not silly or irrelevant; it is powerful and insightful. Know that your words are powerful, your passion for justice is validated, and your empathy moves beyond international barriers to bring worlds of people together. I love my story of coming to know and love the work of IJM because it is so representative of the power in the binding force of humanity. While my and my friends’ ploys to bring awareness to our college campus of this impending global issue may not have always found success- some passer-byers really were late to class, some gave us a flippant response, and some ignored us altogether- I believe in the power of one life affected. For so many reasons, that one fateful day that I was late to class will stand as a humble reminder of the powerful capacity that one conversation can have to change the world. For this reason, I will continue to believe that raising awareness is made whole in even just one person’s life affected. With this conviction, how will you use your power? Through the course of today, tomorrow, this week, this month, this year, how will you affect another life? And through affecting someone else’s life, how will you change the world? Below are some resources to learn more about the effects of human trafficking:International Justice Mission IJM-The Locust Effect Free The Slaves Factsheet CA Gov- Human Trafficking Facts The END IT Movement
You Matter
Just last week, I took a spontaneous trip to Trader Joe’s after a long day at work. I decided that some fresh blooms and a good bottle of rosé would remedy the evening. As I approached the register, the clerk looked at me smirked. “Have any hot plans tonight?” he queried. With a genuine and all-too-familiar laugh, I admitted that those goodies were all for me. “Treat yo self,” he assured me. His response was as quick and intuitive as a coach’s reassuring pep talk to one of his players- “You’ll get ‘em next time, sport.” For some context, “Treat yo self” was a catchphrase first made famous by the television show Parks and Recreation in 2011, when Tom Haverford, portrayed by Aziz Ansari, and Donna Meagle, portrayed by Retta, celebrate their annual “Treat Yo Self” Day by splurging on clothes, messages, and any other of life’s pleasures. Since then, the phrase has gone viral. But, amid the humor and the playfulness that the phrase implies, there rings a bit of sincerity to it. When do we actually treat ourselves? Do we focus on ourselves, on our own growth? Or, do we shy away from it, convincing ourselves that prioritizing our own growth is in some way selfish? Can we allow ourselves to prioritize what fills our souls and grows our character? In one of my favorite passages from the novel, Eat, Pray, Love, Liz seeks to answer this question, saying,
“I did not know yet what I deserved. I still maybe don’t fully know what I deserve. But I do know that I have collected myself of late- through the enjoyment of harmless pleasures- into somebody much more intact. The easiest, most fundamentally human way to say it is that I have put on weight. I exist more now than I did four months ago. I will leave [this place, experience, season, etc.] noticeably bigger than when I arrived here. And I will leave with the hope that the expansion of one person- the magnification of one life- is indeed an act of worth in this world. Even if that life, just this one time, happens to be nobody’s but my own.”
This month, we have explored topics of exploring our happiness, practicing devotion, and finding a necessary balance between the two. Using the novel Eat, Pray, Love by Elizabeth Gilbert, we have examined the depths of our souls, the longings of our hearts, and the directions of our dreams. We have found that we can become empowered to pursue our dreams, to secure our happiness, and to allow our faith and devotion to carve deeper crevices of meaning in our lives. But, we must always remember that the belief in our worth is the nourishment by which the roots of change and transformation can spread forth into our lives. We can chase after our dreams until our hearts grow weary, we can endlessly pursue what we believe will make us happy, and we can expend our energy to our devotion or faith. But, all these endeavors will not lead us to find the peace and joy of our hearts unless we are prompted by confidently believing in our worth.
This lesson of self-discovery is paralleled even in the way that I came to read this gripping tale of another woman’s quest to find herself. I acquired my copy of Elizabeth Gilbert’s famous novel from a second-hand bookstore. I love my copy of her novel because it has been worn, torn, and loved by a complete stranger before it was even placed into my hands. With each page turned, each convicting phrase and transparent story underlined, I got a sense of the story of the book’s previous owner. Stumbling upon this unique copy also came at a crucial point in my life. I had just returned home from a study-abroad trip in Cape Town, South Africa- a beautiful place I had learned to call my home for five months. It seemed, then, that not only was a captivating and life-altering story about to unfold before me, but also the way in which this tale affected the previous book-owner. It was the collision of these multiple worlds, the experience of the author, of the previous book-owner, and of my own ventures abroad that would significantly affect the way I would perceive the world. You see, we all have a story to tell. Better yet, the worth of each of our stories is insurmountable. The wears and tears on each of our pages, the highlighted portions, the important events, the memorable quotes, the tearjerkers, the relatable characters, the cameo appearances, and the inspirational revelations are all things that make each of our stories unique. Our individual plotlines are unlike anything experienced before. Those things altogether make each of our stories invaluable. We must only, then, begin to learn how to tell them.In telling your story and driving your plotline, treat yourself to an incredible, adventurous, and incandescently beautiful life. Chase after your dreams, pursue what makes you happy, grow in your faith, find and grow secure in your contentment, and do all these things based off the belief of you worth. Live your life in such a radiant way, even if sometimes it is for no other person than yourself. Breathe life into your unique story. Believe that you matter. And, go boldly in the direction that your life is leading you. Treat yourself to the enjoyment of your unique and vibrant life.
In All Circumstances
In the third and final part of her book, Eat, Pray, Love, Liz Gilbert travels to Bali, Indonesia. Following her experiences in Italy and India, Liz seeks to fulfill her mission of finding balance between the devotion to her practice and the enjoyment of her happiness. Only after a few weeks into her stay in Bali, Liz reflects on how quickly and satisfyingly she has attained this balance. She reflects on maintaining happiness saying,
“. . . most of my prayers are expressions of sheer gratitude for the fullness of my contentment. I have never felt less burdened by myself or by the world. I keep remembering one of my Guru’s teachings about happiness. She says that people universally tend to think that happiness is a stroke of luck, something that will maybe descend upon you like fine weather if you’re fortunate enough. But that’s not how happiness works. Happiness is the consequence of personal effort. You fight for it, strive for it, insist upon it, and sometimes even travel around the world looking for it. You have to participate relentlessly in the manifestations of your own blessings. And once you have achieved a state of happiness, you must never become lax about maintaining it, you must make a mighty effort to keep swimming upward into that happiness forever, to stay afloat on top of it. If you don’t, you will leak away your innate contentment. It’s easy enough to pray when you’re in distress but continuing to pray even when your crisis has passed is like a sealing process, helping your soul hold tight to its good attainments.”
When do you feed your soul? And when do you allot time to enjoy the things that bring you pleasure? Better yet, how do you find a balance between the two? Between working forty-hour work weeks -for most of us, it may easily be more than that- pursuing further education, caring for our families, and spending time with our friends, it is no wonder that we even find time to have a thought to ourselves. But, if this balance is so important for our lives, then we should either change the way we live, or we should reorient the priorities that seem to fill the void in our schedules, occupy the thoughts of our minds, and use up the energy of our being. Usually, instead of changing the entire course of our lives, changing our mindset and our attitude will lead us to a source of contentment, a point of balance. This source of contentment and this point of balance may look different to each of us. Because we are so vastly unique and because each of our interests, passions, and dreams cover such a diverse array of what constitutes happiness, we should open our eyes to the direction that our quest for finding this balance is taking us. 
Furthermore, our hearts should learn to sing the song of contentment within every valley, upon every mountaintop, and with every bend and turn that the courses of of lives take us. “ . . . continuing to pray even when your crisis has passed is like a sealing process, helping your soul hold tight to its good attainments,” Liz writes. How many times do we lift our eyes to look for answers, to seek truth, and to fill our souls when we are trying to make sense of our circumstances? How many times do we instantly turn to prayer only when our lives begin to unravel? How many times do we practice meditation only when we are weary? How many times to we admit that we need help only when we have reached our breaking point? No doubt, these moments that bring us to our knees and point us in the direction of redemption are valuable in and of themselves. But, our contentment does not need to be found only when we reach a point of despair. Finding a point of balance, a source of true contentment, is something we can practice and maintain during those times when everything seems to be going right. When our prayer, our meditation, or all those other moments in which we feed our souls become our ritual, our daily habit, our instinctive remedy, we will notice that our contentment becomes synonymous with the way that we find rest for our souls. We may notice that feeding our souls becomes just as necessary as feeding our bodies. In the same way that our bodies become weak without food, our souls become weary without spiritual sustenance. In the same way that they say, “Breakfast is the most important meal of the day,” creating a daily ritual where we sustain the desires of our souls and maintain our contentment, becomes necessary for us in order that we may confidently and courageously journey through our lives. We find, then, that turning to nourishing our souls does not only become necessary for surviving trying circumstances, but it is essential for living even in the midst of our utmost happiness. These moments that we pray even when we cannot find a reason to complain, these times when we meditate even when we have a complete burst of energy, will become an emblem for how we carry ourselves through the journeys of our lives. When we acquire the willpower and the strength to maintain our contentment and to relentlessly pursue it in the midst of sadness, doubt, fear, but also utter happiness, bliss, and gratitude, we may begin to see our lives in a hue we had not yet seen before. When we come to find our own point of balance and our own source of contentment, we may find that our happiness is not circumstantial but, in fact, defies every law, social norm, and personally crafted idea we have formed regarding our circumstances. With this contentment, we may dare to find peace and joy take root in our souls, flushing away the burdens we have learned to carry for ourselves and for the world around us.
A Community of Lighthouses
A lighthouse has often been represented in literature, film, history, and culture as a guiding light, a safe harbor, a beacon of hope. Joseph Panek has described a lighthouse’s proximity to sea as an intentionality that warns sailors of potential dangers. A lighthouse “notifies sailors that land is near and warns them that they are approaching rocks, reefs and shallow waters which must be navigated with caution. [It] is also a comforting sign that the calm waters of a welcoming harbor are close at hand.” Lighthouses have been central figures in literature, in novels like To the Lighthouse by Virginia Wolf and The Light Between Oceans by M.L. Stedman, often symbolizing a guiding presence to all those voyaging or lost. This image of a lighthouse as a beacon of hope, a welcoming light, is a promise that solace and restoration are awaiting us when we reach dry land. Panek describes this comforting image of a lighthouse in its metaphorical sense, as “the element of Water represents the emotions, the Lighthouse is a Symbol for the Spiritual Strength and Emotional Guidance which is available to us during the times we feel we are being helplessly tossed around in a sea of inner turmoil.” In our lives, as we have sought these living images of lighthouses during our times of strife and trial, we have also become figures of hope and beacons of light for those in our lives undergoing trying circumstances. More often than not, we give of our energy and efforts in order to guide those we love to safe harbors. We expend our time, advice, thoughts, and feelings in order to guide our dear ones home, to safety and refuge. However, when we have spent our own emotions, when we have extended our own strength past what it is able to bear, the light in our lighthouse begins to dim, and we find that our guiding light may not be able to transcend beyond the shores of our own harbor. For this reason, it is essential that we take time to rest emotionally, that we actively seek out the people, places, circumstances, and practices that will refuel us and that will reignite our light so that we can continue to give off our luminescent energy and guiding light to all those around us. 
There are many ways that we can seek emotional rest in order to regain strength for ourselves and for those leaning on our strength. First, we should realize and accept that we will not always be a guiding light or a safe harbor for someone else. It is okay that we are not always the source of strength for someone else. It is okay if we are not the single lighthouse that guides everyone to a safe harbor. Once we relieve ourselves of the pressure to be the constant source of light, energy, and strength for every person in our lives, we may find that our light will not become dim, or its influence weak, but, rather, we may find that our light will beam brighter and that its scope will stretch farther than we could ever imagine. When we begin to rest, when we step down from being the emotional bearer, the allegiant advice-giver, or steadfast navigator, we will find time where we will be able to fan our own flame. In the difficulty of taking a step back, we will find beauty in realizing the force of our own light and the potential of our own strength. When we take instances and moments to rest in not being the lighthouse, we may find serenity in igniting our own flames and allowing our own lights to burn ever brighter. Once we take moments to step back, once we find time to rest and refuel, we will begin to seek out moments, places, and people that refuel us. When we take a step back from being the lighthouse, we may grow more comfortable in finding a lighthouse in someone else who will guide us to our safe harbor; we may be able to navigate beyond the walls and reserves that we have built up for ourselves, and we may see troubled waters grow calm. In seeking out a safe harbor in someone else we may ask ourselves: What fills us up? What reignites our fire? What keeps our flame alive? For some of us, we may be refueled by spending time with our closest friends, those who know us best and who are able to speak convictingly and intently into our lives. We may find a source of inspiration and strength in a long hike with a dear friend, a dinner date with close friends, or cherished time with family. For others of us, a period of rest and recharging our spirits entails a time of solitude, a long walk encountering nature, or some downtime with a good book. In any of these instances, though, we must become okay with abdicating our position as the lighthouse and the constant source of light for others in order that we may be able to find that light for ourselves in other people, places, instances, or things. When we revere this time of emotional rest for ourselves, we allow ourselves to refuel our passions, to regain our strength, and to reignite our light. Once we find strength in letting go, once we see newfound desires, inspiration, and hope in the midst of allowing others to shed their light on us, we will see our light spread further. Even still, in receiving the guiding light of others, we will begin to build and better maintain a collective light, a community of lighthouses whose luminosity casts its ever-flowing light to the ends of the earth.
Stronger Together: A Response to Violence
Last Friday, an estimated 129 people were killed and another 350 people were wounded in three separate attacks carried out on the central city of Paris. While the world has been left in complete shock and devastation, the question of “How could this happen again?” still occupies most of our thoughts. It seems that over the past couple of years, or even weeks, our world has become prone to more violence and we are left wondering, in frustration, what we can do to help. We wonder, “Can we do anything to prevent this from happening again?” or “Will it ever get better?”I believe it will get better. I believe that we have both a power within us individually and an undeniable force collectively that can eradicate violence and restore joy and peace.
Just about two years ago, I found myself in the beautiful City of Light. Paris has long been associated with light, love, magic, and beauty, and I was excited to go back after having first given my heart to this captivating city when I was just 18 years old. This time, though, my trip to Paris had placed me there just two weeks after the orchestrated attack on Charlie Hebdo. One day, I got on the metro and traveled to the memorial site where thousands of messages, flowers, and other sentimental gifts paid homage to the twelve individuals who had lost their lives in the attack. One message that gripped my heart read, “12 personnes à terre, 66 millions debout” which can be translated to mean “12 people fallen, 66 million people standing”. This message left such a profound impact on me because it beautifully illustrated a response to violence. You see, we do have a powerful reaction to violence. We are capable of responding to violence when we align ourselves with one another and when we draw upon the strength that we find in ourselves and in each other.
Standing up against violence in our personal lives and on a massive scale may cause us to respond in a way that we would not normally be inclined to. Where love, joy, and peace may be wholly absent or even partially concealed in these acts of violence, we must prevail in order to find them. Our reaction to violence, then, may lead us to cover those who succumb to violence with compassion, grace, and empathy, and to empower those victims of violence with love, peace, and hope. We must love in spite of violence so that our love not only affects the circumstances of violence, but so that our love begins to transform our own hearts. With this outpour of love and grace, we may find ourselves reaching out to that lonely kid at school, we may see ourselves comforting someone who has been bullied or teased, and we may listen to someone who entrusts us with their story of pain, abandonment, neglect, or brokenness. In this outpour of love, we may find ourselves learning to understand different people whose values, morals, ideologies, political preferences, religious views, or worldviews may be in opposition to ours. As we begin to grow in this act of love, we may find ourselves acting upon compassion, empathy, and grace to understand and overcome the destruction that may come from painful pasts, bitter hearts, vengeful ambitions, and the sting of abandonment. Combating violence, then, may urge us to selflessly place ourselves in the circumstances of another person. In these instances, we may need to set aside our flaming arrows in order to relate to the humanity of another person. We may need to check our ambitions in order to see the pain of another person. We may need to recognize the way in which we speak to another person or the way in which we talk about another person so as not to allow the language and behaviors of violence infiltrate our lives. We may need to initiate a revolution of compassion and empathy to break through the walls of hatred, bitterness, anger, and shame in order to bring to light the humanity that binds us all together. We may need to suppress the deceit we lead ourselves to believe: that difference separates us, that bitterness alienates us, and that vengeance prevails in destroying us. In finding love, joy, and peace in the midst of violence, we will realize the various ways that we are each bound in our humanity with one another. When we realize commonalities in each other, when we bind ourselves in the humanity that we share, we will form a unity in combating violence wherever it occurs.
It may seem that individually standing up against violence will barely put a dent in the fight against mass atrocity. We may question the validity of turning off an offensive song, of speaking out against a crude joke, or even of boldly confronting violent actions. In trading an act of defense for an act of love and compassion, we may question whether or not these acts of love will truly conquer despair, bitterness, and pain. Yes, these actions, by themselves, may not wholly affect the continuous cycle of violence that is erupting throughout the world, but the collectivity of these individual acts of boldness, courage, integrity, and justice will create a supernatural and transcendent power that will undeniably puncture the prevalence of violence. The way in which we combat violence in our everyday lives, then, becomes significant and worthwhile. When we realize the importance of individually standing up against violence, our eyes will be opened to the strength and magnitude of the collective impact of our actions. Once we understand that we each possess a power within us to stand up against violence, and once we draw upon that power collectively, we empower ourselves to be agents of transformation. With each action in which we overcome violence, we sustain the hope that our world will, again, know joy and peace. It is in light of this hope that we prevail against tragedies, against darkness, and against immense sorrow, for we know that this hope has the power to break through darkness and to sustain an everlasting peace. While we continue to act upon this hope, we may find ourselves bonded in our collective efforts to find the joy, light, and peace in our humanity, and in joining together to find that light, we may come to realize that we are more powerful together than we could ever be apart.
[Agape] Loving the Silent
“When the whole world is silent, even one voice becomes powerful”: words spoken by Malala Yousafzai in her address to Harvard University on September 27, 2013 as the Harvard Foundation presented her with the Humanitarian award. Malala is a pillar for human rights and the advancement for girl-child education around the world. With a passion to advance education in her home country, Pakistan, Malala began to write a blog for the BBC Urdu service. To protect her identity, she used a pseudonym. Her rising activism led her to be awarded Pakistan’s first National Youth Peace Prize and to be nominated by Archbishop Desmond Tutu for the International Children’s Peace Prize in 2011. But, Taliban leaders schemed to kill her in response to her rising influence. Both Malala and her father’s passion to advance education withstood death threats from the Taliban and soon enough, Malala’s identity as the author of the BBC blog was revealed in a documentary made for the New York Times. Then, on October 9, 2012, as Malala was on her bus going home from school, Malala was forced to identify herself to a masked gunman who shot her with a single bullet that went through her head, neck, and shoulder. Her survival and her resilience during a long recovery process inspired people around the world to stand up against injustice.After her attack, Malala went on to win the Nobel Peace Prize on December 10, 2014. Her influence allowed her to create the Malala Fund which raises awareness of the social and economic constraints on girl-child education and which empowers girls around the world to raise their voices, to realize their potential, and to demand change.Malala is one of many voices that are speaking up for the silent. With a story such as hers, and so many others around the world, we should ask ourselves how we can use our voices to affect change and how we can speak up for those who may find it hard to speak up for themselves. In the United States, our freedom of speech is protected by our US Constitution, except when it infringes upon the rights of others. But, all in all, whether our speech is enlightening and encouraging, or even destructive and offensive, we, as US citizens, are granted free speech, a right that is not granted to all citizens of all countries around the world. How, then, with the power of this right that is granted to us, do we advocate for, do we speak for, those who find themselves silenced by their governments, by their social institutions, or even by their own peers? How do we love the silent?Some instances may require us to defend this right subtly, mundanely, and habitually, as if it were an everyday task. Singers, whether they have just begun their careers, whether they are dedicated to advancing their careers, or whether they have been experienced in their profession for years, undergo voice exercises. They do not stop efforts to improve or sustain the strength and technicality of their voices once they have “made it”. These voice exercises are intended for singers in all stages of their careers in order to strengthen vocal cords, improve transitioning techniques, relieve tensions, maintain healthy singing practices, and prolong the impact of their voices. In the same way, then, that singers routinely check in on and improve their vocal capacity, we too should continually work to grow the strength and influence of our voices. We should be so accustomed to practicing and defending our voices, refining and affirming our voices, that it becomes second-nature to us. You see, each of us has a distinct voice and a voice that we can use to affect change throughout the world. We should locate our voices, we should strengthen our voices, and we should see where our voices carry so that those voices can have the greatest impact. When we begin to know the impact of our voices, we will be able to use our voices to help others, to speak for those who find their voices silenced, and to use the stories that our voices tell in order to empower others. You see, these daily voice lessons of ours have a far greater impact than on our own lives; our voice lessons enable our speech to be strengthened so that their fortitude can send waves of peace, assurance, and justice throughout the earth.Other instances, then, may require us to use our voices bravely and boldly. At times, we may find that we need to scream and yell; to advocate for the equity of others and to defend the human rights of others. In these circumstances, we use the privilege of living in a country that defends our right to free speech in order to extend that right to those around the world. Certain times may call us to use those techniques in which we have strengthened our own voices in order to fight for the voices of others to be heard amid oppression, intolerance, and injustice. We may be called to allow our voices to carry and to send shock waves to other parts of the world in order that the force of those waves will inspire others to find and use their own voices in times of tribulation. It is the strength of the collectivity of our voices, then, that has the capacity to sustain life, to foster hope, to affect change, to inspire courageous acts, and to defeat terror, oppression, and injustice.
When we use our voices to locate and inspire the voices of others around the world, we form a chorus of voices whose influence cannot be contained. With a chorus determined to affect change and to advocate for the rights of others, the unity that sings of rightness, of justice, of equity, and of restoration is undeniable, and with such an undeniable force as that, the song of peace and of the reconciliation of hopes and dreams plays so that the whole world can hear. As we draw upon the strength inherent within us and the strength inherent within one another, let us use our voices so boldly and so loudly that we sing of this song of peace, empowerment, and justice to ends of the earth.