thoughts// the birth story
MY ONLY KNOWLEDGE of birth before my pregnancy was the delivery experiences of my sister and a few close friends... each of them was very similar –– planned c-sections or hospital births with an epidural. with these stories in mind, i created a vague picture in my mind of what i wanted my birth to look like and it was hospital + epidural without a doubt; the doctor pulls out the babe and all is good to go.
at the beginning of my pregnancy, we were transitioning from our ivf doctor to an ob, and i got a few recommendations from friends for the same doctor, so we immediately booked. i went to my first appointment with him, and to spare you on specifics, it left me with a really bad taste in my mouth. he was a bit harsh with me, and i could not picture him birthing my child. shortly after, i learned from another good friend about MIDWIVES, how personal they are during pregnancy and birth, and how they take the place of an ob. i loved the idea of having a more relaxed, at-home feel during pregnancy appointments, and the midwives we decided to work with have priority at cedar-sinai here in los angeles, so they are so flexible between your choice of a hospital or home birth.
around this same time, our good friend was a few months ahead of me in her pregnancy and told me about the doula she was working with who gives the best education for birth and replaces the unknown fear that can be connected to it with reality and beauty. AT THIS POINT in my pregnancy, it was so surprising to me to learn how much support you can have during pregnancy and delivery. i truly went into this time of carrying our little boy with no awareness of these options, and i feel so incredibly grateful that we became informed of these things!
OUR DOULA
nina would come over weekly to our house and teach jase and i about birth as well as practices for support during labor and mental exercises to calm the mind and body in preparation for it. nina calls her teaching COUPLE’S BIRTHING. i loved this so much because it gave jase such a special role during the birth. every week, i looked forward to getting out my binder to take notes and prepare for the practices and meditations to implement in the week ahead. it was so special to learn all of these things together, and jase and i quickly realized that we knew nothing about birth before we had nina in our life! also, after so much education and learning extensively about home birth and hospital birth, we surprised ourselves by deciding that a home birth seemed very us. we moved forward with this decision and didn’t tell a lot of people to keep as many opinions out of the equation as possible. we were encouraged to choose the place that felt the most comfortable to us, and we love our home and with the proper team realized how safe it is to birth at home.
FAST FORWARD to the birth story
on wednesday, march 30, i started having early labor contractions that lasted a few days. these were honestly some of jase and i’s favorite days; they were so peaceful. we laid out by the pool, went on walks, watched documentaries and new shows, and just sunk into the comfort of our home. i got a prenatal massage and went to a chiropractor that both specialize in helping to move labor along, and by many of your recommendations, we picked up the induction salad from caiote. ON SATURDAY, i woke up with full-on contractions, and i knew actual labor was beginning. our doula gave us instructions to time the contractions as they picked up –– the duration and frequency. she ended up coming over in the early afternoon, supporting me along with jase through each contraction. the main thing we learned was how to relax and open up the body –– to ride the wave of each contraction rather than tightening up in each one… basically to let the body do its thing. to do this, we walked stairs in between contractions, walked the curb, and used the bath for relief. jase was my hype man during each one, helping my body through the discomfort and breathing through each contraction with me. our midwife arrived several hours after nina came to our house. she constantly checked on the baby and me, and the progression was going really well. after 20 hours of early and active labor, my vaginal check showed that i had been stalled at 7cm of dilation for about two hours, when you should be progressing at at least half a centimeter per hour.
i so appreciate our MIDWIFE and DOULA because they were in constant communication with us. she asked me my energy level at this point (it was about 2 in the morning), and she said that i could either go to the hospital for an epidural and some relief or i could stay home and see how this could all progress. we decided to go to cedars. jase packed up a bag in about ten minutes and we drove to beverly hills. i have to pause and say what an incredible husband jase is. we were both so exhausted, and he was breathing through each contraction with me in the 40 minute car ride and he kept his spirits so high. we checked into the hospital and i got an epidural about two hours after we arrived because it was a pretty packed night in labor and delivery.
AFTER SEVERAL HOURS of my midwife and the nurse calculating the proper pitocin level to progress dilation, i reached 10cm and started pushing. pushing is so interesting because you truly have to learn how to do it in the moment, and it takes some practice. during pushing, ryver’s heart rate went in waves of decelerating and a team of 15 nurses were in there at a moment’s notice to evaluate it. they told me to move my positioning after each push because it could have been a multitude of things, such as his umbilical cord wrapped around his neck, but they wouldn’t know until he was out. i pushed for about two hours, and the backup doctor, dr. niku, came in with the suggestion to do a vacuum birth because of the heart rate variation and the stress that it could cause little ryv. we had three tries to do the vacuum, and if it didn’t work, we would have to do a c-section, which was the last thing i wanted to do after so much laboring. the vibe of the room was INCREDIBLE, INTENSE, and FULL of the most encouraging energy. there were about ten people in the room, from my doula to my midwife and the nurses. jase was behind me helping me get through each push; you would have thought we were in a football championship because of how loud everyone was yelling to help me in each push. the vacuum popped off of ryver’s head the first two times but was helping to bring him down slightly. the doctor was so determined for this method to work, so he used his hands before trying a third time to really pull him down. i could feel him moving down further, but he still wasn’t out. i was full of so much emotion at this point, crying so hard in between each push just wanting this little boy to be earthside, and before the third and final vacuum attempt, jase told me to look in his eyes and bring this baby home. it gave me such a surge of energy and with the third vacuum attempt he still wasn’t out. the doctor called for someone to prepare the or but gave it one last try with his hands and had to do an episiotomy (a surgical cut of the vaginal opening, perineum and rectum) and little ryvie was here!! i was in a puddle of tears, and jase was over at the station where two nicu nurses were prepared to check him because there was a little bit of meconium (feces from a newborn) in the amniotic fluid when my water broke; this can happen when the baby is under stress during birth. ryver was safe and sound. he was 7 pounds, 12 ounces, 21 inches and was born at 7:32pm on 4/3/22. when they placed him on my chest, i can’t even explain the feeling. i have never felt a love like that for him and for jase. what an experience this was!
I WAS SO GLAD that we were told not to hold our hands too tightly around our preferred birth plan. we were very content in every pivot of the process and were willing to do anything to bring this sweet boy safely into the world. for a moment, jase and i questioned if our home birth experience was in a way a waste, and we both quickly realized how beautiful (though not easy) of an experience it was even though the outcome was different than expected. OUR LOVE for each other grew even deeper, and we will truly never forget that time. we were thrown into some chaos and times of unknown but it was so empowering to work through it all together. after throwing up about 20 times from the hormone surges and experiencing a 4th degree tear, my gratefulness is more than i can even put into words. i am also so incredibly thankful for the team of nurses, our legendary doctor, dr. niku, and my doula and midwives.
we stayed in the hospital two nights and made the most of our time in our tiny room — we postmated food (including salt & straw cookie dough ice cream), watched friends, processed the birth, stared and cuddled with sweet RYVER RHODES endlessly, and got some rest. now we are home with our bundle of joy and are in heaven. we just can’t get enough of our snuggly little guy and are soaking up every moment thanking god for his sweet life. i am so grateful for my family, and my love has only grown more for jase, bennie and my little ryvie. i already love being a boy mom and am so honored to raise my little angel.
A DOULA
a professional trained in childbirth who is a labor support companion and provides emotional, physical, and educational support to a mother during pregnancy, birth, and healing post birth. their purpose is to help women have a safe, memorable, and empowering birthing experience.
A MIDWIFE
trained professionals with expertise and skills in supporting women to maintain healthy pregnancies and have optimal births and recoveries during the postpartum period. they provide women with individualized care uniquely suited to their physical, mental, emotional, spiritual and cultural needs.
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