Be All that You can Be, and Bloom

Do your best. A common quote from Zen Shin Talks says, “A flower does not think of competing to the flower next to it. It just blooms.” We have grown up heeding advice to do our best, reinforcing others and ourselves of an undeniably resilient spirit within us. But, at one point or another, we have all had the fear that our best may not be enough. So, we begin to feel defeated or discouraged. We begin to believe that we are inadequate, worthless, hopeless. But, we must begin to tell ourselves that our best is our best, even if it does not produce the results that we had hoped for. You see, our best is not contingent upon our expectations. I have learned this most recently since graduating college. As graduation loomed nearer and nearer, I had a perfect picture of what my life would be post-college- I would hold a full time job with benefits and with the promise of advancing further in my career, I would move into my own place with a few friends, I would become totally, financially and otherwise, self-sufficient. But, my best efforts yielded a much different reality. In this transitional period, I found myself in an LSAT prep course, committing to taking the next step towards obtaining a law degree. However, throughout the course, I felt my heart pulling in another direction- a passion I had altogether known, but somewhat overlooked. I cannot explain one specific event or life-altering moment when I decided that I wanted to pursue writing instead; rather, it was a more gradual and persistent pull at my heart. When I consciously decided to let go of my expectations of what my post-grad life would hold, and instead give this writing gig a go, doors began to unexpectedly open. Today, I can wholeheartedly and gratefully look back on the past seven months and notice an unparalleled amount of opportunities that have both validated, strengthened, and have altogether made my passion for writing more worthwhile. I have learned that while doing my best has not always resulted in the dreams and desires that I had cultivated, it has contributed to every experience, opportunity, and event that has shaped me into the woman I am today. Where I once compared myself to the numerous Facebook status updates and Instagram posts that depicted my peers’ seemingly perfect and successful lives, I now am able to look upon my own experiences with a grateful and humble heart- realizing that my own journey does not find its worth in comparison to that of another.The truth is, performing our best may yield entirely different results than what we had hoped for or planned. We may not find ourselves in that dream job we had hoped of obtaining, we may not find ourselves with that family we longed of having or that marriage we had desired with all our hearts. We may not be in that dream house we told ourselves we would have by the age of thirty-five. We may not be successful in the way we imagined, self-sufficient in the way we planned, or thriving in the way we pictured we would be. But, just because the vision of our lives does not match the circumstances of our lives does not mean that our best has amounted to failure or that we ourselves are worthless. Rather, the unexpected course that our lives have taken yield a certain freedom where we can explore the desires of our hearts without the pressures we have placed on ourselves. By the grace that the events of our lives became unaligned with our own expectations, we become more open to the alternative. When we become more open to these unexpected realities, we allow ourselves to let go of the grip on our own vision of what our life ought to be, and we live freely in what our lives presently are. Slowly and gradually, we begin to move out of our own way.What happens also when we become free to perform our best aside from our own expectations is that we find that our best is not dependent on the success of others. When we become free to release our best efforts from the confine of our own expectations, we become even more free to release our best efforts from their comparison to the best efforts of others. It is easy to fall into a cycle of comparing our drive, ambition, pursuits, or attempts to those of our friends, family, peers, classmates, Facebook friends, and Instagram followers. But, when we allow ourselves to fail and to fall short of our own expectations, only to begin to revel in all the opportunity that surrounds our shortcomings, we will begin to grow more confident in who we are despite what we may see through whatever status updates and carefully selected snapshots of our friends’ lives. When we free ourselves from our own expectations and from comparing our lives to those of our friends and peers, we may even begin to purely and truthfully celebrate the achievements and accomplishments that we see on social media. Instead of feeling discouraged, jealous, insecure, and unworthy whenever a baby announcement, marriage proposal, job offer, grad school acceptance, or life achievement floods our newsfeed, we may begin to feel genuinely happy and selflessly pleased for our peers. We are able to free ourselves to be happy for peers because we come to know that our own success, our own journey, and our own growth, are not made worthy based in comparison to the achievements of those around us.So, take a deep breath, let go of whatever unattained object or achievement is telling you that you are a failure, a disappointment. Be thankful for these unexpected circumstances, for they may be directing you to otherwise unforeseen, overlooked, or concealed opportunities. Go forth and bloom, try and fail, get back up and discover the course of where this beautifully unpredictable life is leading you. Be confident that your worth is not defined by your expectations, nor is it judged in comparison to the achievements of all those around you. Rather, your worth is found in the midst of all your achievements and failures, alike, that empower you to be all that you can be, in the very best way.

[Self Series] Empowering Yourself

Before every sports match, game, or even practice, sports teams allot time for warming up. During this time, they stretch to warm up their muscles and they perform drills and exercises in order to perfect their skills. This period of warming up is crucial for a successful or hard-fought game because it begins to condition the body and the mind for the duration of the game. Usually, right before a game, sports teams gather in huddles and go through a series of ceremonial practices in order to boost team morale. In essence, the time before any sports match or game is crucial for empowering the team and preparing the team for “battle”.So, as we close out this series, we should allot this time for our own “warm up”. In order to condition our minds and prepare our hearts and souls for the matches and battels we face every day, it is important to reflect on what we have learned, how we have grown, and what we have come to know about ourselves. Throughout this series, we have probed and prodded at areas in our lives in order to deeply evaluate our strength and our growth through that strength.First, we started with loving ourselves. We learned to love everything that has shaped and guided us to be the people we are today. We learned to love all the joys of becoming who we are along with the mess that has allowed us to stumble into the people we have become. By learning to love ourselves, we have found a deeper and more powerful love to share with the world around us. We continued with expressing ourselves. Here, we learned that there is authenticity, opportunity, authority, and freedom in the way that we express ourselves. Once we learn to rightfully and honestly express how we are feeling and what we are thinking, we give others the opportunity to listen and we allow ourselves to bridge communication gaps by listening in return. We then went on with overcoming self-doubt. We drew upon knowing ourselves and loving ourselves in order to speak truth into our circumstances and we reminded ourselves that we are capable of overcoming fear and doubt. But, we challenged ourselves to surround ourselves with people who will reiterate that truth and speak it into our lives when our voices grow weary. After that, we explored growing up and growing into ourselves. We learned to give ourselves grace while we are figuring out what it is we want to do and who it is we want to be. More importantly, we learned that we are living with each choice we make and each risk we take, each failure we undergo and each success we achieve. For, life is the accumulation of our actions in the simple and little moments which build up our character and prepare us in the event that we take on a paramount task. We continued with seeing ourselves. Here, we learned that the power to love ourselves, be secure with ourselves, and respect ourselves is stronger than any other power that could be given to us by another person. We learned to see ourselves and treat ourselves in such a way that we shower ourselves with the love and worth that we deserve. We learned to settle down with ourselves. We learned to give ourselves the slack that we so desperately want to throw to someone else because, in the end, the way we know ourselves and treat ourselves is a reflection of the power we have within us. Then, we went on with dignifying ourselves. We learned that we are worth it, that our uniqueness gifts us with an influence that no one else in this world has. We challenged ourselves to live according to our worth and to act out of that worth. Finally, we embraced believing in ourselves. We learned to believe in our strength and character, in who we are and who we aspire to be. Likely, we learned to believe and invest in our dreams, for when we allow our dreams to soar, we welcome the opportunity of impacting the world.And now, we understand that all these areas of loving ourselves and growing into ourselves leads to empowering ourselves. Through constantly growing in loving ourselves, expressing ourselves, overcoming self-doubt, growing up, seeing ourselves, dignifying ourselves, and believing in ourselves, we will be all the more capable of empowering ourselves. Through this empowerment, we will realize and know our strength to continue to become all we can be. We will push ourselves to learn more about ourselves and more about the world. We will use the love we have grown for ourselves in order to better love those around us. In making our mark in this world, we will use what we have come to know about ourselves: our strength in times of fear and doubt, our perseverance in times of strife, our certainty in times of darkness, and our joy, knowledge, and passion in times of persecution. You see, when we continually grow in these areas, when we push ourselves beyond the limits we thought we could reach, we are empowering ourselves to be the best versions of ourselves. Once we keep elevating the mark of our “best version” we continue to empower ourselves, and in doing so, we empower those around us. Our reach, then, surpasses the mark we set for ourselves and reaches the mark that we have been inspired to set for others. As we continue to push ourselves to love ourselves more, express ourselves more, know ourselves more, and believe in ourselves more, we inspire others to do the same. So, a community of people who are continually empowering themselves and one another have the power to impact the world, to rid the deepest of oppression, to replace the darkest sorrow with the most exuberant joy, and to spread love and light to the farthest ends of the earth.Now that we are all warmed up, let us go forth into our worlds, into our daily lives, and spread our unique influence. Let us live with courage, strength, truth, and dignity. Let us give others the strength to live with passion and authenticity. Now that we are all warmed up, let us put up a good fight against daily battles because we know that our influence is significant, our courage is undeniable, and our story is worth being told.

[Self Series] Believing in Yourself

“I learned that courage was not the absence of fear, but the triumph over it. The brave (wo)man is not (s)he who does not feel afraid, but (s)he who conquers that fear”: Nelson Mandela.About two years ago, I visited Robben Island where Nelson Mandela and many others were held in prison for advocating for the rights of an oppressed majority of the South African population. It was said that the Island also hosted what was considered to be the first democracy of the nation: where men gathered in secrecy to discuss how they would bring change and restoration to their tired country and desperate people. But, even more piercing than walking the grounds where these great and innocent men were held in captivity was the former-imprisoned tour guide who added personal accounts of torment, anticipation, and hope. His testimony, his story of pain, healing, and restoration, joined with many others, inspired a nation to rise up out of oppression, recover from pain, and move into a period of forgiveness and restoration. His story, Mandela’s story, and all those other stories during the reign of Apartheid in South Africa inspired a nation to believe.What makes this act of faith, this act of courage, extraordinary is not the person behind it but, rather, the response of that person. You see, faith is an action, it is a response; it is not a person, and it is not attributed to one type of person. The courage that Nelson Mandela showed is accessible to us. The faith that Maya Angelou embodied is accessible to us. The hope that Martin Luther King Jr. preached to hundreds of thousands of longing people is accessible to us. We merely need to take the responsibility to acknowledge the transforming faith inside us and act out of that faith. We need to believe in ourselves.But, why; why should we believe in ourselves? We should believe in ourselves because we each have the capacity to do powerful things; powerful things for our own life and for the lives of others. The same power that Nelson Mandela, Martin Luther King Jr., and Maya Angelou tapped into is accessible to us. Just as they made the conscious choice to use that power, so we can, too, use the same power within us. All we need to do is believe.So, we should first believe in ourselves and believe in the strength that is inherent in each one of us. It does not take an extraordinary person to be courageous. Real courage is an action taken on by ordinary people. But, you are more than ordinary. In fact, you are uniquely you. You have dreams and passions, hopes and aspirations, likes and dislikes, convictions and beliefs that make you uniquely you. So, the power you possess is uniquely yours. You will be able to use that power to impact the world in a way that no one else can. So, if an ordinary person can use extraordinary courage to impact the world, then certainly you can use your power all the more confidently to make a difference in your community, your country, and the vast world around us.Once you realize your power to make a difference, once you believe in yourself, then you will not help but be able to believe in your dreams. However big or small, attainable or far-fetched, they might be, your dreams deserve to be invested in because those dreams have the capacity to impact the world. Your unique imagination and creativity act as the fuel to ignite your dreams into realistic actions. So, boldly, confidently, and courageously act on your dreams. You may fail, you may get knocked down, but you may just soar. The possibility of soaring, then, is reason enough to invest in your dreams because the success of your dreams, the fruition of your courageous acts, may impact the world in a way that no one else could. Believe in yourself; believe in your dreams.Maya Angelou famously said, “What is a fear of living? It’s being preeminently afraid of dying. It is not doing what you came here to do, out of timidity and spinelessness. The antidote is to take full responsibility for yourself- for the time you take up and the space you occupy. If you don’t know what you’re here to do, then just do some good.” If I told you that your faith in yourself and your faith in your dreams would have the power to impact just one other person’s life, would that be reason enough for you to take action? You see, our dreams, and our faith in ourselves, are bigger than ourselves. Moreover, the collectivity of our dreams and the collectivity of our faith is an unstoppable force that can eradicate the deepest of oppression, empathize with the brokenhearted, and bring the most different of people together. Once we begin to see the power in ourselves and the collective power in each other, our world becomes just a bit smaller. So, invest in your dreams, believe in your power, because once you do, you are an unstoppable force that can make a difference in the world.

[Self Series] Dignifying Yourself

“I will what I want,” “I am what I am,” “Nothing is impossible,” “Love the skin you’re in,” “Let yourself shine,” “Because you’re worth it.”When it comes to skin-care products, maintaining our health, or protecting our preferences, we do not have a hard time believing in our worth; but what about when it comes to ourselves? Do we see the worth in ourselves? It may be easier for us to declare: “I care about my skin,” “I care about my hair,” “I care about what I put in my body,” “I care about what I put on my body.” But it becomes substantially harder to declare: “I care about myself.”Dignifying yourself is a responsibility you have to yourself to see your own worth and then to act out of that worth. So, dignifying yourself first begins with knowing yourself. Know that you are unique. There is no one else in the world exactly like you; that in itself makes you worth it. If there is no one else in the world like you, then there is no one else that can impact the world in the way that you can. Be proud of who you are. Throughout this series, we have been learning to love ourselves, express our thoughts and feelings, overcome self-doubt, grow into ourselves, and grow comfortable with seeing ourselves. There is a unique way that each of us will continue to grow in these areas. The different ways that each one of us approaches these concepts adds to our uniqueness which adds to our worth. Loving ourselves, expressing ourselves, overcoming self-doubt, and growing in ourselves add to our worth. You are worth it. You are worth it, not just because a cosmetic product tells you that you are, not just because consumerism wants you to buy the latest thing, not just because you want to get the best skin, the best hair, the best make-up, the best clothes, the best job, the best house, but simply because of who you are. You are worth it because you are uniquely and completely you.But, seeing your worth does not end there. Dignifying yourself continues with living according to your worth. Once you know or realize your worth, you should accommodate your life in such a way that it represents that worth. Respecting your own worth requires action. It is a responsibility to yourself that requires you to behave out of your worth. This means that your attitude should reflect your worth. When you realize your worth, self-deprecation, self-loathing, and negativity should have no place in how you think about yourself and how you carry yourself. When you realize your worth, you should continually uplift yourself. You should challenge yourself, but you should do so in such a way that only edifies yourself. Respecting your own worth means not only that your attitude should reflect your worth, but that your actions should also reflect your worth. You should pursue endeavors that give you the opportunity to grow and that strengthen how you view your worth. More than that, you should make every opportunity one that allows you to grow and to strengthen how you view your worth. This is a responsibility on your part, to make that job you hate, that friend you do not get along with, or that thing that you think is a waste of your time into something that is teaching you and growing your character, because ultimately it is contributing to your worth.Finally, dignifying yourself continues with surrounding yourself with people who believe in your worth. Now, this does not mean that every person in your life should be your cheerleader. Rather, it means that the core people in your life should support, edify, and challenge you. Your coworkers may not be your best friends, your Facebook friends or Instagram and Twitter followers are not your best friends. Do not mistake the desire for acceptance for the support of your worth. The people that truly see your worth will not seek to feed your desire for acceptance; they will not merely cheer you on, but they will challenge you to pursue your worth, to act out of your worth, and to live according to the highest fulfillment of your worth. It is okay to interact with people, and even befriend those people, who may not realize your worth. The reality is that not everyone will care to get to know you on an intimate level, and that is okay. You should not pursue everyone’s acceptance of you, but you should purse close and intimate friendships, and surround yourself with those friendships, that allow your worth to flourish.So, start believing that you are worth it. You are worth being cared for. You are worth being invested in. You are worth being believed in. You are worth being fought for. You are worth other people’s time, thoughts, and feelings. You are worth all the opportunities that are given to you. You are worth being lavished. You are worth being respected. You are worth being adored. You are worth it because you are uniquely and completely you. Live confidently and securely out of your worth. Believe in your worth, because you are worth it.

[Self Series] Seeing Yourself

*Author’s note: Although the intention of this article was directed at speaking to those who are single, my heart is for these words to impact and encourage anyone who is experiencing loneliness, rejection, or doubt in any way. The reality is that the feeling of loneliness, rejection, or disappointment does not just pertain to romantic relationships; it can be felt in friendships, family relationships, and anything that we fix our attention and desire on. In pole and line fishing, fishermen use live bait to entice fish to catch. Throwing and scattering the live bait is an important step in the fishing process because it creates the illusion that the water surface is alive with small fish which attracts the bigger fish. After throwing the bait, fishermen then cast their jigs and lines into the water. According to the Food and Agriculture Organization of the United Nations, during this process, specific to fishing tuna, “several tons of tuna can be fished in a few hours. However, if a fish falls back in the water or if the amount of thrown baits decreases, the school can run away from the vessel and the fishing ends as quickly as it started”[1]When it comes to dating, we often focus on the art of attraction or the thrill of the chase. We keep throwing our bait out into the water to see what it will attract and then we throw our line out to see what it will catch. When that does not work, we reevaluate our bait: “Is it too much?” “Is it too little?” If we do not find any problem with our bait, we begin to question how we are throwing our line: “Am I throwing it far enough?” We keep throwing our line, hoping that something will catch: “Why isn’t anything catching?” “What am I doing wrong?” “What is wrong with me?”I have often heard: “This is your time to love yourself and to grow in who you are so that you will be ready to let someone else love you.” I have often told myself these words. But, there should be no “so that.” We should love ourselves and push ourselves to grow, mature, and develop for ourselves. So, if I may speak to the single ladies for a moment; hear these words: there is nothing wrong with you. You are valuable, you have worth, you have dignity, you are courageous and resilient, you are compassionate and loving, you are learning and experienced, and you are stronger than you know. You are all of these things, not for anyone else but, rather, for yourself, and that is enough.So, during this time of singleness, love yourself for the sole purpose of loving yourself. You do not need to love yourself so that someone else will be capable of loving you someday. Rather, you should love yourself so that you are capable of growing into that extraordinary love for yourself every day. You should love the things about yourself that give you pride in who you are. You should love the strength that has driven you to where you are and who you are today. You should love the qualities about yourself that make you unique: your attitude, your personality, and your quirks. You should love the things that inspire you: your dreams, your passions, and your hopes. You should love all your knowledge and experience that has sustained these passions of yours and has inspired you to see them through. Just as importantly, you should love all the flaws you see in yourself. Love them because they make you who you are. But also love them because they are opportunities for you to grow. They are also opportunities for you to relate to other people, for you to show compassion and empathy for other people and, ultimately, for you to teach other people from your flaws and from your mistakes. You do not need anyone else to do this for you. You are strong enough to do this for yourself. You are capable of loving yourself for yourself. You should be your source of encouragement, confidence, and reinforcement because you are worth it.Once you learn to love yourself for yourself, you can take advantage of what this time is allowing you to do. You have a liberty that allows you to explore more of yourself, more of your community, and even more of the vast world around you in such a unique way that a time of singleness can only provide you. Appreciate this time for what it is teaching you, what it is showing you, and where it is guiding you. Right now, you may be able to act on a whim and you may be able to blindly follow your heart because you do not have a responsibility to a partner. Use this time of almost complete freedom to explore, to grow, and to learn about yourself, about the community you find yourself in, and about the world that may be at your fingertips.As you learn to love yourself for yourself and appreciate being single for what it is gifting you with, you will be able to settle down with yourself. In the same way that there is a time of settling down in every relationship, there is also a time of settling down with yourself. Treat yourself with respect and dignity; shower yourself with love and know that you are deserving of love, but do this every day. Create a routine for yourself. You should love yourself so intimately and so regularly that it becomes a daily habit. You should regularly know yourself, challenge yourself, and send yourself out to explore the world around you in such a way that is unique to who you are. When you practice loving yourself in this way, when you practice “seeing” yourself, you will begin to settle down with yourself. You will find peace, comfort, security, contentment, and happiness in who you are and you will acquire the strength to continually challenge yourself to become the best version of yourself for no other person than yourself.We all have a line that we throw out into our waters, into the world. Some of us have thrown our line out endlessly, only to feel the sting of rejection all the more palpable with each time we cast our line out. Some of us hold on to our line so tight that we miss what the waters might be showing us. And still, most of us continue to throw our lines out to see what will catch. So we wait, we hope, and we keep throwing out our line. But, sometimes you have to see how far you, yourself, can let the line go before you let something else grab a hold of it. So, what if we started to throw our line out, not to see what we could catch with it, but to see how far it could go? What if we threw our line out in a way that taught us to trust our own line and to trust the strength of ourselves? Will that change the way we see ourselves?So, ask yourself: how will you throw out your line?[1] http://www.fao.org/fishery/fishtech/30/en

[Self Series] Growing Up

When I was growing up, my days consisted of crafting up games with my sisters in which we pretended we were mermaids, queens, or people in a remote land in a distant age who lived off the land and explored the world unknown. I grew up performing concerts in my room to Shania Twain’s latest album, fantasizing about my NSYNC crushes, collecting Pokémon cards, and concocting plans to acquire special powers like Sailor Moon or Sabrina the Teenage Witch. As I entered my adolescent years, I found emotional restoration by listening to Dashboard Confessional, Third Eye Blind, Yellowcard and by belting “Wonderwall” by Oasis. As I moved through my high-school and college years, my childhood years seemed farther and farther away. I found myself in an age where Beanie Babies were virtually worthless, where tying a sweater around your waist meant that you had a rip in your pants more than an attempt at a fashion statement, and where the “dawn of technology” was more of broad daylight than a looming phenomenon. As far as I was concerned, the 90s were so far gone with no hope of revival. I had grown up.But, have I really grown up? Is there a defining age in which we can say that we are grown up as opposed to growing up? Will we ever reach a point where we have learned it all, seen it all, experienced it all? When, exactly, do we grow up?I recently graduated college, so this concept of “growing up” is one that is very evident in my life. I am constantly asked: “So, what do you want to do [when you grow up]?” “Who do you want to be?” What now?”The Merriam-Webster dictionary defines grow as an action in which you “become better or improved in some way: to become more developed, mature, etc.” or in which you “become larger and change from being a child to being an adult as time passes: to pass from childhood to adulthood.” But, if growing is a process in which you develop or mature, then is it not a process in which you continually experience? Should you ever stop “growing up?” If growing up is inevitable, or if it is a process that you are continually experiencing, how, then, do you yield to it?First, give yourself some grace. You do not have to have it all figured out all of the time. You do not even have to have any of it figured out. There is beauty in resting in the unknown. The moment you allow yourself to accept the unknown, to become comfortable with uncertainty, you open yourself to possibilities and opportunities that may have been otherwise hidden. Take joy in this season of uncertainty and use it to your advantage. With not knowing what you want to do or who you want to be, you are permitted to experiment, to rest, and to enjoy things that you may have otherwise taken for granted while your attention was focused on something else. Appreciate this season of uncertainty for the time that it allows you to learn more about yourself and grow into yourself. Instead of fixing your eyes on what you want to get, what you want to do, or who you want to be, fix your eyes on who you are in this present moment in time. Appreciate all the people and the experiences that have impacted your life or have shaped you into the person you are. Appreciate this “grace period” and rejoice in the fact that you do not have to have it all figured out.Once you appreciate this season of uncertainty for what it is, you will be able to learn from everything you do in this time. You should try as many different things as you can for no other reason than to try them. On the road to becoming who you want to be, you can learn everything you do. You can learn about yourself, about other people, and you can take what you learn to impact your future endeavors and your future self. If you embrace uncertainty, you will begin to see every experience as a chance to learn and grow. So, in growing up, in uncertainty, and in “figuring it out” there is no room for failure. Do not be afraid to change your course. Do not be afraid to change your mind. Do not feel like a failure when things do not work out. You are learning and growing with every choice you make, every risk you take, every stranger you greet, and every expectation you meet. But, you are equally growing from every bad choice you make, every failed attempt you take, every relationship you lose, and every disappointment you assume.You see, life flourishes in the accumulation of acts, big or small, that are brought to their fullest potential. You do not start living when you land that dream job, when you become acknowledged, when you can buy that dream car, house, wardrobe, or when you find the perfect partner. You are living with each choice you make and each endeavor you pursue, whether or not it works out in the end, because each of these choices and pursuits are continually teaching you and molding you into a more mature version of yourself.We should be looking forward to “growing up” at any age. The way in which we grow and learn from every opportunity and experience should be no different when we are grown up than when we are growing up. So, let us always embrace the opportunity to learn. Let never stop “growing up.”

[Self Series] Self-doubt

Breathe in. Breathe out.Let your chest rise with each inhale, and fall with each exhale. Let your heartbeat slow to the rhythm of your breath.Becoming aware of your breath is used to begin the practice of yoga. It is known as “Ujjayi”. Though, in yoga, it is used to set the tone for your practice, this diaphragmatic breath or “ocean breath”, as it is also referred to, is used in many different therapies and practices in order to bring awareness to your body. This breathing practice controls and paces your breath in order to clear out stagnant air and toxins in your body. It also calms and balances your breath which increases oxygen flowing throughout your body while also building internal body heat. Yoga instructors say that this breathing practice should be maintained throughout the course of your yoga practice as you are constantly bringing attention back to your breath. It is a reminder to be aware of your body. It refocuses and clears your mind, so that what started as a simple breath builds momentum that sustains you throughout your whole practice. Growing in your practice, then, is dependent on learning to breathe.In the same way, growing in ourselves is dependent on various ways in which we learn to breathe, to rest, and to find our strength. So, what prevents us from believing in our own strength? What exacerbates our steady breath? In yoga, when a pose is too difficult, when the flow is too fast-paced, when your body is not able to handle the amount of work asked of you, your breath quickens. Usually, at that time, you are encouraged to listen to your body, to bring awareness back yourself, and to deepen and steady your breath again. But, what do you do when life gets too difficult? What do you do when you are not able to handle what is being asked of you? What do you do when you begin to doubt yourself?First of all, know that you are not alone. Everyone experiences self-doubt. I experience self-doubt in the thing that I am most passionate about: writing. I love writing. I feel both exhilarated and at immense peace when I write. It may not always be easy, but more often than not, I find that my words are able to fill pages without much of a conscious effort on my part. And yet, I still experience self-doubt. I still wonder whether my writing is being received, if I could ever make a living by writing, or if my writing will ever influence people. I still doubt myself.You see, self-doubt is only given as much power as you allow it to have. It starts to lose its influence the moment you recognize its presence. When you begin to distinguish the deceitful thoughts from the truthful ones, you give self-doubt its first blow. You counter its strength. But, recognizing self-doubt requires action on your part. It requires you to know yourself: to know your strengths and weaknesses, your talents and passions, your desires and responsibilities, your values, your tastes, your attitudes, your setbacks, your fears, and your hopes. When you begin to know yourself, you will be more capable of distinguishing self-doubt from the truth that is inherent in who you are.So, if the first blow to self-doubt comes from recognizing deceitful thoughts, then the second blow comes from action on your part: the action of speaking truth into your own circumstances, into your own life. In order to combat self-doubt, you must be the loudest voice that you hear. Your truth, the truth that you know and the truth of who you are, must be louder than the lies you are being told. You must believe that your voice is powerful and versatile. It is powerful in combating and triumphing over lies. It is versatile in its nature: it is a weapon, it is a calming force, it is your assurance, it is encouragement, it is truth. When self-doubt begins to rule and reorder your thoughts, let the intimacy of your own voice reestablish its authority. When you hear, “You can’t . . .” let your voice scream louder, “Yes, you can!”The final blow to self-doubt, then, comes from surrounding yourself with people who will steady your breath and who will reinforce the truth that you are speaking into your own life. The saying, “strength comes in numbers” characterizes the power of community. It is the power within you that ignites the strength to combat self-doubt, but it is the community you surround yourself with that empowers you to defeat it. When you strengthen the bonds within your community of family, friends, mentors, loved-ones, and life partners, you create an undeniable force against which the thoughts of deceit and doubt could not possibly break through. Then, you can be a part of that community for someone else, for your triumph over self-doubt is not only a victory for yourself, but a victory for all those who will be strengthened by the truth of your voice and the power of victory.So, when doubt begins to cloud your thoughts and suppress your courage, let your own voice speak louder. Believe in the truth of who you are and the strength you have built to become the person you are. Use that strength to fuel your fight against doubt and then use the strength of others to defeat that doubt. Embrace your own strength with the strength of others so that your breaths will begin to steady and deepen. Let that strength flow through your breaths to the very core of who you are, so that your breath, your strength, your confidence can send ripples throughout your community and throughout the world.Breathe in; breathe out, and give that breath to those whose breaths are short, whose bodies are tired, whose minds are weary, and whose spirits are trembling. Breathe, refocus, and find your strength so that you can breathe your strength into the world.

[Self Series] Self-expression

Bonjour. Ça va? Hola. Namaste. Guten Tag. Konnichiwa. Nĭ hăo. As-salām ‘Alaykum. Aloha. Shalom. Hi. Hello. What’s up? How’s it going?How are you?Around the world, there are many different ways to greet a friend, a loved one, or a passer-byer. When visiting a foreign country, properly greeting someone in their native language can be counted as a major victory. In my travels, my victories have also been accompanied by a number of failures, as I was humbly corrected that my enthusiastic “Bonjour!” should have been a proper “Bonsoir” while greeting someone in the evening.In America, we have come to appropriate “What’s up?”, “How’s it going?”, and “How are you?” with an informal greeting. Many times I would find myself rushing to class, greeting those I passed with a quick, “Hey, how are you?” Although I meant well, I rarely waited to hear their response. Instead, I almost always expected to hear, “I’m good,” as I continued to run off to class. But, what if we waited to hear the response to our “How are you?”Loving ourselves and loving others well ignites and enables the unique voice within each of us. But, learning about ourselves and growing into ourselves may require reflecting on how we express ourselves through our words and emotions. Growing in our self-expression, therefore, comes in two parts: our responsibility to speak and to listen. On the one hand, it is our responsibility to truthfully express our emotions, thoughts, feelings, and ideas, and to give ourselves the authority to speak these words and to exude these emotions. On the other hand, it is our responsibility to genuinely, empathetically, and honestly listen to the words and emotions of others.Self-expression awards us with the responsibility to speak. Not only do we have the responsibility to speak our thoughts, feelings, and ideas, but we should represent them truthfully. Now, growing in self-expression is not the same thing as imposing your thoughts and feelings onto someone else. Likely, truthfully expressing your emotions or feelings should not be used to force another person into submission, guilt, or fear. Rather, it should be used so that others understand your thoughts and rightfully perceive your feelings and how you have acquired those feelings. This also means that you, yourself, are responsible for accepting and acknowledging your own thoughts, feelings, and ideas. It may be easier to express happiness, enthusiasm, and delight when something good has happened, but what about when something bad has happened? What happens when you feel sad, disappointed, or discouraged? We tend to hide those feelings; we tend to mask those feelings, maybe in an attempt to convince ourselves that we are not affected by whatever has caused us to feel this way. But, often times, we mask or hide our disappointment so that we do not burden our friends, family, even passer-byers. Hear these words: it is okay to not be “okay.” Start by being truthful with yourself, with your attitude, with your circumstances and how they are making you feel. Once you begin to be truthful with yourself, once you begin to grow in your self-expression, it will become easier to express the truth of your emotions and thoughts with those around you, even if they may bare the ugliest realities.So, what would it be like if we began to respond truthfully to, “How are you?” What if instead of “good” or “fine” we answered with how we are really feeling, so that the responses would begin to range from “horrible,” “bummed,” “disappointed,” “scared,” “anxious,” and “frustrated,” to “fantastic,” “elated,” “strong,” and “hopeful.” What would that mean for our conversations? How would that change the way we express ourselves? Would that also change the way that we listen?By growing in our self-expression through truthfully speaking our thoughts and feelings, we also grow in listening to the thoughts and feelings of others. This means stopping in your path for more than a second to hear the response to an otherwise instinctive, “How are you?” The beauty of being authentic with your thoughts, feelings, attitudes, and ideas is that you will be in a position to empathize with someone who is undergoing something similar to you. When you hear someone else’s story, you will be able to form a connection with them: “I’ve been there,” “I understand what you’re going through,” “You are not alone.” You see, every time we are not truthful in our responses, we miss an opportunity to connect with someone. More than that, we miss an opportunity to tell someone that although they may not be okay, they will be. We miss an opportunity to listen. We may not always be able to encourage truthfulness in the responses of others, but when we open our ears, when we stop in our paths, when we pause for a moment, we give someone the opportunity to be truthful in expressing themselves.Growing in self-expression is learning to speak and learning to listen. Each one edifies the other. The moment we allow ourselves to speak the truth of our thoughts and feelings, in their rawness, in their goodness, and even in their ugliness, we allow others to do the same. By listening to the truth of another person’s thoughts and feelings, we begin to bridge a cavity in human communication that has been maintained by the silence of our words and the denial of our feelings.So, next time someone asks you, “How are you?” respond truthfully. By speaking truthfully and by being willing to listen, you may just allow them to do the same.

[Self Series] Loving Yourself

For any trip, adventure, vacation, or time away from home, preparation is necessary. For trips that take you to another continent or another country, more attention may be poured into learning about different cultures, historical accounts, and practicalities like differences in languages, currencies, and public behavior. But still, even for trips not that far away from home, preparation takes place: planning dinners, planning fun activities, getting the local secrets, packing!So, before embarking on a trip to learn about different cultures of the world, I thought we would take some time to prepare. I have dedicated this next month for what I am calling a “Self Series”.  In order to invest in the world, I think it is important that we invest in ourselves. For the next couple of weeks, let us dive into what makes each of us unique, what sets us back, and the power within each of us to overcome those set-backs so that we are able to care for those around us and, ultimately, so we are more capable of caring for the world.Let us start with loving ourselves. Loving yourself: words that can be easily expressed, but much harder to maintain.Loving yourself means so much more than loving the person you are today. It means loving everything that has steered and guided, or even altered, the steps you have taken to get to where you are today. It means loving all that is yet to come. That mistake you made yesterday, last week, last year, forever ago: it has played a part in shaping the person you are today. What do you regret? If you could, would you take anything back? Would you have a “do-over”? If you did take anything back, if you did have a “do-over”, do you think it would change who you are today? What if that mistake, that mess-up, that regret, played even the smallest part in forming who you are today? Would you still take it back? You see, mistakes are lessons. They are opportunities for you to grow, to evaluate yourself, and to prune areas of your life that need shaping. They are also opportunities that shape your future. You have a unique perspective because of mistakes you have made in the past. Love your mistakes for being opportunities that allow you to grow. Love yourself for learning from your mistakes.Loving yourself allows you to appreciate the journey that, at times, has seen many different footprints along its path and, at others, has seen all but one. All those who have accompanied you on your journey also have had a role in shaping you into who you are today. Whether those people were there for a season, or are along for the whole ride, they have grown you through joy, encouragement, inspiration, and even pain, abandonment, or heartbreak. They have revealed and strengthened qualities in yourself. Love those people for the role they have played in your life, however encouraging or painful. Likewise, all those times that you have found yourself alone have played a crucial role in shaping the person you are today. Those times have taught you of resilience, self-sufficiency, perseverance, and strength. Those times when you saw only one set of footprints along your path were actually creating a work in you. Those are not times of sadness, loneliness, or desperation. Those are times of strength, courage, and dignity. Love yourself for seeing yourself through those times.You have a story that is intricate to who you are, a story that is worth telling. You have a light that has had to hold its flame in times of darkness and uncertainty only to be shown more luminescent. So, let your bright light shine for the world to see. Let your unique story be told. For when you learn to love yourself, you are so much more capable of loving those around you; those near and far, familiar and unfamiliar. When you learn to love yourself, you can fuel the light of other whose flames may be dwindling. You can enable the voices of others whose stories are yearning to be told. When you love yourself, you can spread light to the world.So, start with today. How will you spread your light? How will you love yourself?