[Self Series] Growing Up

When I was growing up, my days consisted of crafting up games with my sisters in which we pretended we were mermaids, queens, or people in a remote land in a distant age who lived off the land and explored the world unknown. I grew up performing concerts in my room to Shania Twain’s latest album, fantasizing about my NSYNC crushes, collecting Pokémon cards, and concocting plans to acquire special powers like Sailor Moon or Sabrina the Teenage Witch. As I entered my adolescent years, I found emotional restoration by listening to Dashboard Confessional, Third Eye Blind, Yellowcard and by belting “Wonderwall” by Oasis. As I moved through my high-school and college years, my childhood years seemed farther and farther away. I found myself in an age where Beanie Babies were virtually worthless, where tying a sweater around your waist meant that you had a rip in your pants more than an attempt at a fashion statement, and where the “dawn of technology” was more of broad daylight than a looming phenomenon. As far as I was concerned, the 90s were so far gone with no hope of revival. I had grown up.But, have I really grown up? Is there a defining age in which we can say that we are grown up as opposed to growing up? Will we ever reach a point where we have learned it all, seen it all, experienced it all? When, exactly, do we grow up?I recently graduated college, so this concept of “growing up” is one that is very evident in my life. I am constantly asked: “So, what do you want to do [when you grow up]?” “Who do you want to be?” What now?”The Merriam-Webster dictionary defines grow as an action in which you “become better or improved in some way: to become more developed, mature, etc.” or in which you “become larger and change from being a child to being an adult as time passes: to pass from childhood to adulthood.” But, if growing is a process in which you develop or mature, then is it not a process in which you continually experience? Should you ever stop “growing up?” If growing up is inevitable, or if it is a process that you are continually experiencing, how, then, do you yield to it?First, give yourself some grace. You do not have to have it all figured out all of the time. You do not even have to have any of it figured out. There is beauty in resting in the unknown. The moment you allow yourself to accept the unknown, to become comfortable with uncertainty, you open yourself to possibilities and opportunities that may have been otherwise hidden. Take joy in this season of uncertainty and use it to your advantage. With not knowing what you want to do or who you want to be, you are permitted to experiment, to rest, and to enjoy things that you may have otherwise taken for granted while your attention was focused on something else. Appreciate this season of uncertainty for the time that it allows you to learn more about yourself and grow into yourself. Instead of fixing your eyes on what you want to get, what you want to do, or who you want to be, fix your eyes on who you are in this present moment in time. Appreciate all the people and the experiences that have impacted your life or have shaped you into the person you are. Appreciate this “grace period” and rejoice in the fact that you do not have to have it all figured out.Once you appreciate this season of uncertainty for what it is, you will be able to learn from everything you do in this time. You should try as many different things as you can for no other reason than to try them. On the road to becoming who you want to be, you can learn everything you do. You can learn about yourself, about other people, and you can take what you learn to impact your future endeavors and your future self. If you embrace uncertainty, you will begin to see every experience as a chance to learn and grow. So, in growing up, in uncertainty, and in “figuring it out” there is no room for failure. Do not be afraid to change your course. Do not be afraid to change your mind. Do not feel like a failure when things do not work out. You are learning and growing with every choice you make, every risk you take, every stranger you greet, and every expectation you meet. But, you are equally growing from every bad choice you make, every failed attempt you take, every relationship you lose, and every disappointment you assume.You see, life flourishes in the accumulation of acts, big or small, that are brought to their fullest potential. You do not start living when you land that dream job, when you become acknowledged, when you can buy that dream car, house, wardrobe, or when you find the perfect partner. You are living with each choice you make and each endeavor you pursue, whether or not it works out in the end, because each of these choices and pursuits are continually teaching you and molding you into a more mature version of yourself.We should be looking forward to “growing up” at any age. The way in which we grow and learn from every opportunity and experience should be no different when we are grown up than when we are growing up. So, let us always embrace the opportunity to learn. Let never stop “growing up.”